A book of Letters

 

Yep, this is my first post about my 50 questions. I know I made a previous post regarding how I love to read especially when I was in my Junior years. I used to go with my sister to a nearby bookstore every weekend after church and she would buy me any books for kids that’s for sale.

There’s one book that will always be first on my mind and it’s Dear Mr. Henshaw by Beverly Cleary, I have a lot of Beverly Cleary books but this was one for the keeps. When I watched the movie “Stuck in Love”, there’s one scene where in the two main characters were on a date and they shared what is their Favorite book, turns out the characters both loved the book Dear Mr. Henshaw. My eyes lit up as I remembered the book. Well, the hopeless romantic in me wished that I could meet someone who shares the same kind of passion in reading. Anyway.. lol.

Dear Mr Henshaw is about a little boy named, Leigh Botts from a broken family. Together with his Mother  they moved to a new town and new school. Everything happened after a school assignment in which they would need to write a letter to their chosen Author and for him it was Mr Henshaw, from their constant exchange of Letters, the two characters formed an unexpected bond.

For me writing is very essential. I love writing! (well, the reason why I have a blog) and what I liked about this book is that it was able to show how far a letter or someone’s writing can go. When we write, all the feelings, questions and thoughts are being constructed, it is some form of release and somehow creates a compelling story that everyone can relate to.

I do not read anymore like when I was younger (technology and stuffs) but if I have a choice, I would definitely go back to reading. I wish someday, I can extend this amazing interest to my son.

“De Sooner De Better De Later De Letter De Madder I Getter”
Beverly Cleary, Dear Mr. Henshaw

50 Questions

As I have always wanted, my blog has been and will always be as personal as possible. I do not even share this to my other social media accounts as I would want to keep all my rants and thoughts away from those people that I know. Away from criticism and unsolicited advises especially from people that pretends to care but really just wants or are looking for someone to be the topic of their afternoon coffee meet ups and random gossips.
Well Anyways, I thought to somehow distract myself from thinking of my current issues in life. I found these 50 Questions (50 Questions To Ask Someone If You Wanna Know Who They Really Are) from the Overrated Thought Catalog haha.
1. What is your favorite book?
2. Does your job make you happy?
3. What did you want to be when you were younger?
4. Why did your last relationship end?
5. What’s been your biggest mistakes so far in life and what did you learn?
6. Where is your favorite place in the entire world to go?
7. What is your top five favorite movies?
8. What are some of your favorite songs?
9. What qualities do you admire about your parents?
10. How would you describe your best friend? 
11. What’s your favorite hobby to do alone?
12. What’s something you can’t go a day without doing?
13. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done lately?
14. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for love?
15. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
16. Why do you think you’re still single?
17. What accomplishment are you most proud of?
18. What is one dream you have yet to accomplish?
19. What is your greatest fear?
20. What are three things you value most about a person?
21. Who are five people you are closest with?
22. What is the greatest struggle you’ve overcome?
23. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
24. What’s the most exciting thing that’s happened this past year?
25. What’s your favorite beer?
26. What’s one thing that bothers you most about the world today?
27. Who are you closer with your mom or your dad?
28. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
29. If you could change one thing about the world what would it be?
30. Who was your favorite teacher and why?
31. What sport did you fall in love with?
32. What is the weirdest thing about you?
33. What was your longest relationship?
34. What would your best friend say is your best quality?
35. Who is your favorite historical figure?
36. What made you choose the college you went to?
37. If you could tell your former self one thing right now what would it be?
38. What food could you not live without?
39. Dogs or Cats?
40. What’s closest you’ve ever come to being arrested?
41. What was your best birthday?
42. What’s one thing you wish you knew how to do?
43. Where’s one place you’d like to go that you haven’t been?
44. What was the last book you read? And When?
45. Where do you usually get your news?
46. What are some of your own personal goals in the next 5 years?
47. What would you consider your greatest accomplishment so far?
48. If you could get away with anything that you do?
49. Who is your greatest hero?
50. What’s the greatest risk you’ve ever taken?
These questions are as direct as they should be. But, I am thinking that while answering them, well might as well make that each question will serve as a blog entry for the coming days. I hope I’ll be able to complete this! 

Things to remind my self

🌻 You do not need to know everything and that not everything that you know is true.

🌻 Invest in yourself. Someday you’ll be proud of the things that you have accomplished.

🌻 Tell them once or twice but if they do not listen to you,  let them do their thing. “I told you so” will be the least thing that you would want to say.

🌻 You are not to blame if they lie. Lying is a decision. It is a choice. Always choose to be right. 

🌻 Be tired but do not give up. Hard work pays off. 

How I met him

My partner was my first boyfriend ever. He was my college crush. He plays football and I always saw him at the university field playing. I never expected anything at all, I wasn’t even that vain and that’s why I knew that there’s no way that he’ll notice me.

Well, I see him at the University but not every day but every time I see him I noticed that he has different girlfriend each time. Well, I should have known. One time my friend tried to approach him while he was resting after playing football, to introduce me, but I immediately went away. I was nervous that time. I do not even care to know him, I just liked his face and I am contented just seeing him.

He also have classmates that were in the same block as I am so some of them knows that I have a crush on him but he still has no idea about it. After 2 years, We were 4th year then, while watching basketball at our university court one of my friends saw him, pushed me and told me that she’ll introduce me to him and he was surprised because we even took a picture together. I swallowed all my shyness away.

After that day, he asked my friend for my number and he started courting me. I guess since he was my crush, although a lot of my friends were against him because he is a bit flirty with girls..I did not mind and just shoved it all off and I said to myself  “Why not try?”.

And now, we are 9 years together and with a baby boy.

Well, I always thought that our love story is quite cute, well not until I found out about all his shenanigans.

Ma Mum..

Last night I came home and saw my son. He was so excited to see me, he started crying and trying to babble words.. he’s been saying “Mum mum ma mum”, I do not know if he really meant something like Mommy or Mom but the syllables and sound made me extra happy that I started kissing him and hugging him.

What I noticed recently is that I’ve been buying all these stuffs for him: Shoes, clothes and toys. He has a lot of shoes, clothes and toys already but whenever I see something cute, I ended up purchasing more than what I intended to. I guess it’s true that we only want the best for our babies.

Recent Purchases were:

Sweater, Timberland inspired shoes, T shirt and Jogger pants.

I do love shopping but right now I shop mostly for him! Well, I think I need to train myself to control whatever urges I have to buy unnecessary things for him. 🙂

Mommies, what’s your recent purchases for your babies?? 🙂

my present future

Before all of these things, before the lies and the secrets, whenever I think about the future, I have this picture of a happy, contented and complete family. I was really looking forward to giving my baby a sister or a brother. I was happy and I feel blessed.

But when it all came out, things change and so did I. Marriage is definitely out of talks. I do not see him marrying me anytime soon or maybe marriage may never happen. I started to accept the fact that I do not want to be tied up with someone who cannot be man and mature enough to take my hand in marriage. I begun to see the future with only me and my baby. I am looking at giving up my career and start a homebased job in which I can financially support and look at my son everyday. I started finding new ways to improve myself, my skills and how to increase my savings so that I’ll be ready for his education and my future with my baby.

It’s disappointing to realize that I will never be married and I will never have the family that I wish to have ever again. Everything is tainted. We’re not even at the middle yet but things are already complicated.

 

Nightmares

I found everything out last April and honestly it’s only been months since the secrets were out.

Come May, I thought everything will be alright when we talked with his Dad. He promised that he will not open his accounts, talk to anyone from there or even go there.

Then June, I found out that he has another new accounts for both sites. He changed his username and he still opens them and even comments on the threads. He even contacted a Home service Massage that offers the extras. I clearly got devastated, turned into a massive fight and I decided to pack our things and leave.

But days before Mason’s birthday I decided to come back. To make his birthday complete. Although, I always have doubts, I made a decision to not check those sites if he still opens them. I also stopped checking out his Phone for any unusual messages or numbers.

I must admit choosing to stop checking up on him and his actions made everything a lot easier for me to adjust and accept what happened. We still discuss and sometimes fight about it every now and then but not the same way like before.

However, whenever he goes out with friends, I always demand him to update me or send some pictures because things starts to cloud my mind whenever he is away. I keep on thinking that maybe he will go there and do those promiscuous things.

At the back of my mind, I am still in pain and I am scared that sooner or later he will do these things again or even worst. My struggle lately is that I keep having bad dreams about him going into those places and asking some girls to jack him off in front of me, then I will ran crying and cursing.

I cannot sleep for long and I cannot even sleep at night. These dreams wakes me up constantly and it feels so real it’s scary. I wonder when will these things end. I feel so tired.

 

A guide for a wife to get rid of her husband’s mistress

Something worth reading

beltwaybangin

I always laugh when women call me with their little threats about “leave my husband alone”…and then I get a text/call from their husband later on apologizing for their wife and asking when we can get together again…I don’t know what these women are thinking but they need to realize the man they married is an adult and will make his own decisions…

First off, if you want the other woman out of your relationship your husband needs to tell her…he is the one who invited me in and should be the one who tells me to leave…if he doesn’t tell me to leave and stick to his guns about it, that should give you a hint about how serious he is about ending the affair…if your husband isn’t serious about getting rid of me…there is absolutely NO WAY for you to get rid of me…

If your husband is…

View original post 600 more words

Talking to her

I know he met a lot of girls for all those years that he went to those places. Different girls, different personalities and different attitudes.

There’s one girl that stuck in my mind. She was one of those girls that he keeps on messaging, asking how she was and has a communication with her.

During one of those few days that I found his secret out, I sent this girl a message telling her all stupid shits so she won’t communicate with him in anyway. Not my usual self. But I guess, they remained their communication although I know that it is plainly about friendship since she has her boyfriend too.

There’s this one day that I saw her sent him a message just asking about something. He said that he will not reply to anyone from there anymore. But, something kept bothering me so since I know her Facebook so I sent her out a message (Yep, I know such a dumb act but I just felt like messaging her) firstly, telling that I apologize for saying foolish words to her previously. I also pointed out to stop communicating with him in any possible way that I do not care about her line of job but just stop inviting him or encouraging him to patronize such acts.

She responded a few hours after and she mentioned that she will do as I say. She informed me that I do not have to worry because she longer works there as her boyfriend (whom she met at work) asked her to stop in that kind of job. She continuously said sorry to me for everything that she did and that my partner knows her limitations in that kind of job and she did not mean anything. She assured me that she knows that he loves us very much and will do anything for our family, she is sure that he will not go back to that place or doings again.

I responded to her that whatever it is that she did or they did together is not her fault because it is her job while it is his choice to do all of those things because of his urges. I am clearly disappointed with what he did and it is a long journey to trust him again. I also congratulate her for not working there anymore. The conversation ended with me saying God bless to her and her family.

I do not know but I felt a sudden emotion of being blessed. I do not know why she ended up with that kind of work but I somehow felt that I am lucky to have not experience those things.

She is just one of those girls who he met there. I know I should have not sent her a message but I initially just wanted to say sorry to her for all the bull that I said. I realized that these girls are not to blame because they are just doing what the line of job requires.

As for my partner, yes, it is still a very long way before I can finally say that I have moved on. Everyday I am trying my best and every night I pray that all these emotions will disappear maybe in the right time.

 

 

Sexless: Pay for pleasure

I was reading a female forum and I found one forum about “Why Men pay for sex?”.

I do agree that Men have a high level of testosterone and Sex is definitely the last thing on their mind. They may not show it but they do think about it every second, every minute with every girl that they see. No one can control anyone’s hormones and mind. I do not believe that there is a sexless marriage or relationship. Well, they may be few but most men would find a way to fulfill their sexual urges even if it doing it with other girls and not the one they love. Just to get off and release the urge. It’s very accessible nowadays, you get online, like online shopping really. Look for girls that you like, hit them up with a message and viola! you are all set!

I have read in https://www.theguardian.com/ that as per survey most men who pay for sex feel guilt and shame. Thought they are unsatisfied, they still continue with their deed. And some say that they feel empowered when they were able to have sex with someone attractive or so. But mostly these act feeds his sexual desires and freedom. No love just pure sexual pleasure.

But on the other hand, we go down to the person’s Morals and Values. It’s true, Men like sex. Period. However, I do believe that the choice will always be based on his morals and values. On how he was brought up and how he sees such circumstances. If he is weak then he can be tempted easily and would succumb to such doings. On our norms, it is still prostitution, illegal and a socially unacceptable behavior. It’s every where, lucky if you found yourself a man with high morals and values that has the right choice and decisions in such cases.