Cohabiting

Cohabit

[koh-hab-it]

 

verb (used without object)

to live together as if married, usually without legal or religious sanction.

to live together in an intimate relationship.

to dwell with another or share the same place, as different species of animals.

 

From <https://www.dictionary.com/browse/cohabiting>

 

 

What it’s like living together without Marriage?

Honestly, nothing much! I think that we go through what most married people go through as well.

We experience the same problems and we deal with similar family issues just like normal couples do.

 

I have friends who are not married yet but have kids and most of them have the same sentiments. Except for some who personally preferred to live together.

I don’t really worry much about this but sometimes when people tend to say or ask when you’ll get married or they’ll say “you’re next..” I always get a little frustrated.

 

But let’s be real. There are more cons than Pros in a live-in set up;

 

  1. You get questioned a lot because you have different surnames with him and your child. Sometimes when you have a preschooler, they would even ask you why you have a different surname. Something too complicated to explain to a child.
  2. You don’t know how to address yourself (Partner? Wife? Girlfriend? Mother of his Child?) in some formal situations or maybe most of the time, there are people who will regard you as not sacred (I don’t know if that’s the word though) maybe because you did not vow spiritually and or constitutionally and
  3. You don’t get to have the same security level and legal rights as a  married couple have like having no conjugal properties and other etc..

 

You’ll definitely feel a lot of limitations but it will still go down on what you have discussed, agreed and communicated with each other.

 

Les be honest, this is not the ideal set up and this arrangement is not something that we would want to pass on the next generation. Being married or marrying is something wonderful and I know that it is one way of showing your love to one another and that every couple would want to make everything legal and official. It can be a grand wedding or just something intimate, nevertheless, it’s still the union of two in love people.
However, we cannot force anyone to get married, In this time and age, women are given choices, if a girl does not want to get married yet.. and if this kind of situation works for a certain couple then let them be. Marriage is not a security key that you get to ensure that he’ll stay faithful or committed anyways.

 

Don’t judge guys! We are living in the 21st century and I guess not all but some people are already in this situation with or without a child, it may not be what most people prefer but it works for some and lets just respect their choices.  hehehe

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Life without a Yaya

I get questioned a lot on how we manage to raise a toddler amidst not having a Yaya or helper.

I’m telling you it’s hard! Try asking my partner! Lol

It’s not that we don’t like having someone to help us or we cannot afford one. It’s just that nowadays its hard to find someone who can be trusted. Lucky are those who were able to find a reliable one.

Right now here’s our doable schedule:

Monday and Friday, (I requested for an earlier shift thanks to my managers!) I go to work at 11am and by 9pm I get to go home and once I’m home, Bryan will start his work, take note, he’ll work right after he looked after Mason All day! (Dads are really superheroes)

Then Tuesday to Thursday if we’re lucky and my mom sticks to the schedule of going into our home to look after Mason then Bryan will have enough sleep up until Thursday and I’ll go with my usual mid shift schedule. Come Friday, Bryan will again look after Mason all day until I get home.

If Mason has school then that’s my task. I’ll sleep at 2am and wakes up at 8am to bring him to school and wait for him, after fetching him, I’ll rest like for 30 minutes? And off to work as I leave him with my mom.

If there’s someone more worn out than me in this situation it must be Bryan. We are two parents to a single kid and we’re feeling all these exhaustion both mentally and physically. Can you even imagine the workload for Single parents!?

It’s true that being a parent you have no vacation leaves, you do it 24/7 and sometimes even more than your body and mind can handle. Exhausting but definitely one of the most fulfilling human experience ever!

Baby No. 2 Soon?

I’ve been running around telling everyone how I want to have another baby by end of this year. And I’m like really desperately praying it will be a girl this time! (Giving my full trust in the Chinese Calendar!)Lol

I really want another baby. Bryan and I have been discussing about this and he agrees. He wants another one too and we want it by next year so that before I turn 35 ( As you know being pregnant by 35 and up is already a risky pregnancy) We will have two kids when I am 32 years old. Haha!

It’s hard because we don’t have any helper around to look after the kids (thank goodness for my Mom!) but she’s getting older and I don’t want to stress her so much. I am the kind of person who likes to plan things and I want everything to turn out as planned, but it’s hard especially when you have a toddler. This is why most of the time, I get to feel really frustrated like in budgeting finances and our schedules. So with this said, I know that having another baby will definitely wreck all our laid plans for the future and we have to just try to go with the flow and make use of what we have at the moment.

I always thought that if they can do it then we can do it too! Hehe! I remembered one of my UBER drivers (yes Uber way back then!) shared his stories to me and how he and his wife were able to surpass all the hurdles of being parents. He mentioned that every day after his shift, he would go as fast as he could to their house so that his wife can leave and work, they try as much as possible to take turns in taking care of the kids while one of them works, he said that there’s no really easy way but looking back he didn’t really feel sad or tired but he felt accomplished that as parents they were able to look after them and have their jobs as well.

I don’t know yet but right now, I am just so excited to have another one and maybe, once we have her or him? Then we can set out what we need to do. 🙂

2018 Contemplations

Happy New year!

2018 has been a year of healing for me. I have learned so many things and have dwelled on a lot of thoughts. January 1 was a date I would never forget, a date of revelation. Should I celebrate this date yearly? (Kidding!)

It was not an easy year but I am so so happy with how 2018 ended for me and my family. It was not perfect but it was just right. Everything fell on their places and I just want to be so thankful that 2018 somehow healed me (not fully healed) but I am getting there.

I still get nightmares, random thoughts and weird notions about him going back to these places or me seeing these girls randomly somewhere. I get really scared and my body freezes with these images that I am making. I try as much as possible to redirect my thinking and focus on the more positive side of things.. Like being grateful for the little things around me.

Anyway, I am not rushing to complete healing.. I just want to take things one step at a time. They say I still have a long way to go, it may take months and mostly years to fully forget or be numb in these kinds of thoughts but I am all for it!

2018 was a good good year for me.. 🙂

Thank you 2018, next

 

There are a few things and thoughts that I really pondered and learned from 2018.

 

 

That it is okay to not have everything.

 

Sometimes and it may also be due to the pressures of Social Media, we feel some discontentment in the things that we have. What’s worse is that we often compare them from what other people have especially on financial or material things. This is a big NO NO, because by doing this, we tend to miss the simple pleasures and we contemplate less on what’s important at the moment.

I saw lots of good news posts on Instagram and Facebook and no joke, I felt happy for these people; they went to places, bought new house, had businesses, got married and had new work or promotions. It somehow gives me or us  inspirations to achieve the things that we want too!

 

Celebrate the small steps and milestones.

 

I used to worry a lot about Mason, more about his speech and a lot of people close to me would agree on this because I used to bombard them with questions. I overthink a lot and it just adds more anxiety on my part (The search button of google is something I regret in 2018, nope! Don’t check it with google) But I think, talking and sharing my worries to my friends and family helped a lot in understanding my concerns about Mason. (My mom would even buy tongue of a pig because they said that if my toddler eats it, he will start to speak? Like what? Nyahahahha, she supported we anyways!!) Last year, I learned to acknowledge simple achievements and whenever he says simple new words, Bryan and I would light up and smile, not just a smile but a smile from ear to ear! So cute because he can now say so many words but not yet in two-words phrases. These milestones are Anyone here with a late speaker baby boy?

 

Be Grateful.

 

Lastly, be thankful. This is somehow the all-inclusive of the first and second, but more on being thankful by showing it through gestures and or by saying it. Last 2018, we had simple out of town getaways with family and friends, we had get together with friends and these simple time spent are really something to be appreciative of. Some of our friends would invite us and I always always try as much as possible to go to these events because it just means that they really like you a lot to ask you to spend these parties and festivities with them. (Really sorry for those who we or I did not go too, we will try to make it up! Promise) This explains as well why I posted and took a lot of photos because I want to preserved as much memories as possible. Also thankful for Bryan for letting me go to some of it and he watches over Mason. Speaking of Bryan, this year I am so thankful for him. He cooked for me like 80% of the time and I feel like a princess waking up with food on the Table every day. I just told him yesterday that I am so thankful because he cooks and brings us to good food places and we love eating so much (that’s why I take so many pictures of places and food because I want to say that hey! Dad! We loveeed it so much, I’ll take a pictures to let everyone know you brought us here and we’re so thankful!!) Huhu I am crying.

 

I’ll stop here dame ko na nasabi. Lol.

Let’s skip to 30

Mason will turn 30 months tomorrow.

I just can’t wrap my head on the thought that in just few months I’ll have a 3 year old already.

He has been doing so so well!!

Lately he’s been imitating the words that we’re saying. He has grown so much!! I Think that enrolling him in the Playschool helped him to enhance his knowledge and skills especially in speaking. He is currently on School Vacation and we are planning to enroll him again on February once his Grandma is back home with us. He has been saying some words, though still not clear, it seems that he is trying to start a conversation with us recently.

I tried to test him and asked him to say “Mommy” and “Daddy”, he said pipi?(not really sure if I heard it right) and didi for daddy. It seems that he knows the word but cannot pronounce it correctly yet. Maybe he has been calling us all this time but we just cannot understand or we don’t know that he is saying those words because we cannot comprehend him yet. One funny story was when I asked him to throw his diaper and he came back to me still holding his diaper and he was saying “pis, pis” I thought he was saying please but turns out he is scared of the cockroach which is “ipis” in Filipino word. Hehe! So I walked back with him and showed him that there’s no Ipis or cockroach in the bin.

One thing that I am so amazed right now is that he can now Identify and say the colors. He will say byu for blue, gwin for green, wellow for yellow and wed for red…it was soooo cute whenever he says these words. One time while I was cooking, I noticed him sitting on the couch and holding his candy can, the can has all the colors in it and I heard him Identifying the colors, he was saying ” color byu, color wellow…” while pointing and it was so cute my heart exploded I kissed him on his cheeks. I tried to ask him to get one of his yellow toys and he correctly gave the yellow colored toy to me. Yay! He now also knows all the sounds of the animals and he imitates the sounds.

For the past few days and because it was holiday, he has been so obsessed in opening gifts even if it is not for him. He likes the thought that there’s a surprise toy after opening the gifts. One gift that he liked was the Truck and Car construction track. He asked his dad to build the track and while building he said, “Good Job” to his Dad, Bryan and I looked at each other and we laughed!

Another thing is that I am starting to Toilet train him. We noticed that for the past few days he is showing signs that he is somewhat ready to let go of the diaper. He can now tell us by gestures that he wants to go to the CR to wash and or whenever his diaper is full he asks us to help him remove it. I finally set up his Urinal and showed him that when he wants to pee he can ask us to go to the urinal and he can pee on that and soon I’ll train him to poo on the toilet too. It is still a longgg way to go but I am keeping my hopes up so that we can finally say bye bye to diapers.

It is amazing to see the changes in just two months and I am so positive that for 2019, he’ll definitely progress more! Let’s wait and see! 🙂

28

He is now 28 months.

28 months full of laughter and frustrations.

He is our ball of fire and cloud nine at the same time.

He is still struggling. I get really frustrated whenever someone asks me if he can talk.

No he cant. He can say some words, he uses some words consistently but he cannot talk in full 2 or 3 word sentences yet.

He still doesn’t call me “Mommy” and he doesn’t call his Daddy “Daddy” either. This is quite alarming and worrying. Imagine the waiting I have to do every day, just to hear him say these words. Every parent longs to hear that word but I don’t know when I’ll be able to hear him say these words.

Reading online really whacks my brain out. There are lots of research and posts that will drag me to diagnose my son. It’s really scary especially when you try to compare him to those you see on Facebook or even just walking around the mall and then you notice someone with similar age as your son and see that boy talk and communicate to his parents, makes you want to bawl your eyes and think that something is really wrong.

As a first time Mom, I don’t really know how to start and what I am looking out for. I didn’t know that I have to teach him, I thought that he’ll just learn everything he sees, that’s about it. But turns out that’s not the way it should be. As a parent, I have to talk to him, show him everything and teach him anything about life and ways. I honestly didn’t know. I just usually let him be.

Looking back, I sometimes wish I should have done something sooner. Over and over again.

He has come a long way already and I am happy with his progress..

He communicates with us with his simple gestures. He definitely follows instructions, he knows the labels of the things, He points, he shows us things, he waves, byes and says hi, he likes playing with us, he pretend plays a lot and he loves to cuddles so much.

He responds to his name, he has strong eye contact, he is not hyper or hypo sensitive to anything, knows how to calm himself, he is not addicted to anything and he understands us. He goes to playschool and his teacher tells us that he can follow the activities along with his classmates. This somehow makes me feel that I am just worrying tooo much.

I’m still going to update and observe him more. I have my full trust in him because he is my son. I am already thinking of things that we might do next year to further increase and improve his communication like speech therapy or such.

For any moms that has a similar experience like mine, let’s talk!

A reminder to please do not compare your son to anyone and/or not read everything online. I think that, if you feel that something is definitely wrong with your child go to the doctor and ask for help.