Have you ever had the feeling where you know that something is bound to happen, that something is about to end but then you still hope that somehow everything will turn the other way?
It’s the last day of february. It’s the 29th and this is supposed to be our first leap year monthsary.
I don’t know why but I’m seriously nervous for this coming weekend. It will be a long one for sure. I know we are not together anymore. That he decided to end it up and that he wanted to just be on his own. I know that it’s for the best. That sometimes, you just know when it’s enough already. I tried to change but I failed. He tried to be patient but he just had too much of it. Still I insisted that we should go together on that vacation. That maybe it’s our time to talk and think about things between us. I’m scared and I’m a bit bothered. I’m scared that I may not be able to handle the words and things that he might say. I’m bothered that it will turn out to be a disaster. I miss our old selves. I really do. I miss how we talk, I miss how we laugh and I just miss how we look at each other. Everything about us just changed. It seems like we are strangers again to each other. For the past week, we’ve been seeing and talking with each other but I’m starting to notice how different he is now. He’s not the same. He is pulling away from me.
This coming weekend, I want to know everything. I want him to look at me and tell me everything that I needed to hear. I want him to open his heart to me and show me why this is happening to us. I need to know.
I still have no idea on what I will do after this weekend. But, what I do know is that, whatever happens it’s for the both of us. It’s for our own sake. Things happen and no one knows why but if it’s for the better then surely it will also be worth it.