My lips are sealed

I’m trying to keep my mouth shut. I don’t want to cause a scene. I don’t want to start a fight. I’m keeping my feelings down and my lips tightly sealed. Not going to nag anymore. I’m tired of that. I want to be as mature as possible. Keeping things chill and easy. So, if everything messed up again, I have no say on that anymore. I’m not going to blame myself and I’ll have a clear mind about it.

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Why?

Why do people leave just like that and come again into your life like nothing really happened?

It’s really confusing. As we know, people leave and it’s for a reason. So when they return is it still for a reason? Do you need to welcome them again and start a clean slate?

The reason may be good or bad.The only thing how you look at it and the other person react to it. It is hard as hell to move on from someone whom you almost think will be your life forever. But, sometimes when you’re finally done and starting to accept everything. They go and come around again ruining your chances of getting away. For no reason, they want to be with you again. They want to be a part of your life again.

Sometimes, I think he just wants to be with me again because he got used with me being with him whenever he wants or maybe he was pressured by his friends to get back with me. It can be that he’s shy to admit to everyone that he’s the one who called it off.

Right now, I’m really confused. I talk to him everyday but I’m uncertain and in doubt about what is going on between us. I missed him, but whenever I remember the times that he left me. I just can’t help but be scared and weak. I’m so confused.

I wish

Maybe one day they can invent a drug that’ll be able to permanently suppress and make you forget every bad memory you’ve ever had. It’s like brainwash almost except that you can select what parts of your life you want to let go of and what parts you’d like to leave intact. Then maybe finally I can quit being haunted by things I shouldn’t even still be thinking of in the first place, and my emotions won’t be so all over the place. That would be great.

Finally watched it!

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I was finally able to watch The Hunger Games yesterday at Glorietta. I must say that I dig the movie better than the book!

I think, Jennifer Lawrence really fits the role as Katniss Everdeen. She looks so sensitive and naive yet she moves like a ninja.lol. I just wish Peeta Mellark was a bit taller but Josh Hutcherson is good too.

District 12, really looked what I imagined it to be. There were some parts in the book which were revised in the movie but nonetheless it still turned out great.

I can’t wait to finish Catching Fire. I’ve been very busy this past few days that I haven’t had the time to continue reading it. I promise I will this week and also on holy week. =)

Adventure park

We went to Global Gutz, Marikina last Saturday.

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I went with my two co-workers. Anna and Karen.

First, we tried the Zipline!

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Here we are on the act.

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My first time to try the zipline, and I enjoyed it! I want to do it 7 times a week!hahaha

Next is paintball.

I was not happy with what happened.haha. Only the three of us played the paintball and it was quite boring. I guess, it’s really better if you are in a group.

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Here are the baggy, heavy outfits. We looked like Teletubbies. hahaha

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We are Sumo-wrestlers!

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Karen with her Cartoon super hero character pose!

The last part was the ATV, this was my favorite!

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It was a really fun and adventurous day.

Mellow Sunday

Had a nice talk with someone today. Family, boys, work etc. We’re not particularly close, but I’m glad I’m someone that can be confided in and I’m glad there’s someone who cares about how I’m doing even though I never explicitly express all my feelings except here on wordpress. She went through something similar (yet totally the opposite) and I just have more reassurance that it will be okay. She said that, sometimes things happen and we have no control over things. All we have to do is to learn from it, let go and move on. Life is just like that. She’s one smart girl.

Hey Mr. of the past

It’s been almost 3 weeks since we last talked to each other.

I have missed you, but I needed to get you out of my system. To not see you as anything more than a friend. It’s been a long 3 weeks and it’s definitely had its share of ups and downs. I never cried after that day. I guess, I got tired already.

I couldn’t look at your picture without feeling like complete and utter shit. I almost thought I was dreaming when I received your text but I realized that it’s better to not to care anymore. I decided to keep away all the things that you gave me and deleted all our pictures together.  I don’t believe in playing the blame game anymore. I instead tend to take all the blame, kicking myself in the head about it.

And I’ve learned how to not do that. But, I can’t help but think this whole thing was my fault. I was naive. I got excited. I got lazy. I got tired. I got frustrated. I got annoyed. One of your friends, told me that it was because I was strict. Well, I’m sorry for that. But it was nice to know and to hear it from other people how well you’ve changed for 3 years because of me. I guess, I can cross out on my Bucket list the part, “To changed someone’s life.”

I want you to be happy. I know that you are happy now, I heard you have a new girl. I bet she’s everything I’m not. Good for you. I know you’ll be a damn good man to somebody, someday. And whoever it is will deserve you, because you’re smart. You choose wisely. You’ll make the right decision. It was fun while it lasted. It was a great time for me, and I hope it was for you too. Thank you!

–This will be my last post about him. Moving on! Here’s to a new life. Bigger and brighter things to look forward. Here we go!!