Are you under a spell?

I envy those girls who have boyfriends who are very affectionate and they’re not afraid to show that they are proud of their girlfriends especially through online sites like Facebook or Tumblr.  Making their girlfriend’s face their Profile picture and tagging her name almost everyday. I think it’s cute and sweet if they do that on special occasions.

But, when they do it everyday it becomes an annoying obsession. Irritating.

Beautiful cliche

While I was browsing my Facebook newsfeed.  I came across this video posted by one of my friends.

The title itself captured my attention. I think it’s because people nowadays are becoming more concern and conscious when it comes to their Physical Appearance. According to this video (By the way, the girl talking in this video is Thammie Sy. She’s a mom blogger and a wife of a Pastor in a well known Christian Church.) Beauty is fleeting. That we should not invest too much on our physical appearance because everything will fade as time goes.

Beauty. What is Beauty?

According to my other friend. Wikipedia, Beauty (also called prettinessloveliness or comeliness) is a characteristic of a personanimal,placeobject, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure or satisfaction.[1] Beauty is studied as part of aestheticssociologysocial psychology, and culture. An “ideal beauty” is an entity which is admired, or possesses features widely attributed to beauty in a particular culture, for perfection.

So based on this definition, beauty is a part of human nature. Beauty is a perception and appreciation at the same time. It is how we perceive a characteristic. It’s part of our society but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is important.

So, let me share you a little secret. A long one though. Sorry.

As a normal kid, I used to play and surround myself around other boys. I had scars and wounds on my legs and arms whenever I go home after playing all day with them. I also had dark skin because of too much exposure from sunlight because I always play outside. And as a I become a Teenager, I experienced having zits all around my face. At first, it was nothing for me. I’m also really lazy when it comes to combing my hair. I have natural curls that really makes it hard for me to manage. Brushing my teeth is also a heavy load for me. I just hate doing those things. I think I’m that unhygienic. I have short arms and legs too, so it means I’m a midget (I’m exaggerating again.)

Teenage years, are the times in which we realize how important it is to be presentable and to be beautiful. So, when I went to high school,  that’s where I noticed how my classmates make a big deal about looking good. They start to have crushes and teasing those persons that they like. I experienced it too but I did not had the confidence because for me, I’m just a normal girl. Nothing special. There’s nothing magical about how I look. I did not think that I was pretty and I did not think I was ugly too. Not really sure about my perception with myself.

When I got to the University, I realized how the world around me is becoming bigger. I met new people but still I did not pay attention on how I look. Yes, sometimes I feel shy whenever I’m surrounded by girls who look a lot prettier. But, I guess I had this strong personality that makes me stand out in my own way(yeah.confidence at its finest .haha) I think it’s because I’m smart and had a lot of humor.

But I think what made me lose all my confidence was when I had chicken pox during my first year at the University. Yes, chicken pox. Simple problem. I gained a lot of scars all over my body and my zits also came out. I was absent for a week on almost all of my classes. My grades went down and my appearance just spawned to the ground. That time, I feel my ugliest. My confidence went all the way down. I did not go out of our house and I was not able to wear the shorts and skirts that I used to wear.

I guess, I realized that I had to look good after that. I need to be my best again. So that time, I got really conscious in how I look and how I should dress. Second year was my first year in Nursing, a lot of new people again and I had a group of friends where every time they go to the bathroom, they would put make up on and brush their hair and try to be cute and all. I hate that. I hate that part. I could not look in the mirror seeing the scars in my face. I don’t want to see my hair which looks like a messy mophead. I was fat too. I got really frustrated.

After that year, I tried different things that could help me look good.

I wanted people to notice me. So, I tried and yes I think I somehow gained my confidence back. I was doing it in the wrong way. Buying stuffs that promises you to look good. I got lured. I know. But, still I had those times were I feel that they’re not good enough, I’m not good enough. I guess, it will never stop.

Even now that I have a boyfriend. I still feel the unlikely feeling of being unpleasant. I know appearance plays a part in attracting the opposite gender. But, in my case I guess he got attracted with my jolly and funny attitude. I’ve never felt being insecure until now that I had a boyfriend. I get really jealous whenever there are other pretty girls around him. I guess, it’s normal for girls to feel that way but I’m really trying to surpass that part of my life.

My battle with looking good was never ending. It was a cycle. One day I was feeling pretty the next day I’m a mouse hiding inside a whole.

As I said, I was never conscious and aware with how I look, until the day where I had scars and zits all over my face and body. I tried changing my self especially with how I look but everything seems to go again from the beginning. It’s a system that I got used to already.

One thing is for sure, no matter what your appearance is, no matter how good you dress up. People will talk about you, it may be good or bad. It’s true that beauty will fade but your attitude and the way you look at yourself will remain. So, you need to be positive and you should never think that beauty is the basis of all things in life. It’s just a part of it, lucky if you’re beautiful but it’s still on how you look at your life and how you handle the things that’s happening around you. In the eyes of our Lord God we are all the same.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. ––Proverbs 31:30