Mayday Parade – Miserable At Best

I’m always amazed to these kinds of bands who can make really dramatic songs. One of these bands, for me, is Mayday Parade.
Maybe if you’ll see them you’ll think they’re just another “Emo band”. But, if you’ll listen to their albums or to some songs, you’ll see how they can vary their sound and music. Derek Sander’s voice is quite a dapper.(not sure if I can use that word to describe his voice! lol) But, that’s how I hear it, very classic. So powerful yet vulnerable.

Tales Told by Dead Friends and A Lesson in Romantics are two of my favorite albums from them. I’m telling you, they’re worth listening.

I love most of their songs but Miserable at best, will always be one of my heartbreak songs. It always, always gets me.

Far worse, humiliation.

I’m the kind of person who likes attention, not all the time but maybe most of the time, especially for positive kind of attention. But what if that attention is an act of degradation?

Here comes Humiliation.

Humiliation (also called stultification) is the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission. It can be brought about through bullyingintimidation, physical or mental mistreatment or trickery, or by embarrassment if a person is revealed to have committed a socially or legally unacceptable act.

Just the other day, I experienced one of the most unforgettable attention that I’ve had since I was born. I can’t even remember when was the last time that my parents humiliated me and made me look like a complete crap. They may get mad at me or shout at me in front of other people but it’s okay and that’s the only kind of humiliation that I can handle it, it’s acceptable because they are my parents. I would not be existing for the past 24 years if not for them.

What happened to me was more of an embarrassment, the shame you feel when your inadequacy or guilt is made in public. The feeling that people were looking at you confused and full of questions as of what’s happening. The moment wherein your self esteem is slowly digging six feet under and you just can’t help but cry. You try to smile and laugh to counter your emotions but the negative ones are winning.  Never did I imagine or expect that it will happen to me, especially by one of the person whom I care the most. I know that, that person did not really intend what happened. I know that, that person was just taken over by anger and great sense of emotion. That person got hurt too. However, I can’t seem to get away with that situation. I don’t want it to happen again ever.

It’s not really about how people saw me or how they understood and reacted to what happened. It was all about how I felt that time, how that person made me feel. How degraded and low I was. I’m not angry, I made a mistake too.. it’s just that I’m scared that this will happen again. What will happen the next time? Far worse than humiliation? I hope not.

Now, what would you feel if I do the same thing to you?

“The humiliation that Jane had felt turned to something else–grief perhaps, or regret. Regret that she had not known how to act with a boy, regret that she had not been wiser.”
― Beverly ClearyFifteen

Hair dipping

Every year, I try to make sure that I do something for the first time may it be something big or just a simple one. This year was my first time to dye/color my hair. The first time was last January at a salon, the changes were not really that massive. And I made sure that the color will be as natural as possible because my Mother would really freak out if my hair will turn out to be super light blonde or lighter. I don’t want it either. I’m not a Western person so Yellow Blonde or lighter color would never suit me well.

The second time that I dyed my hair was just this April, since going to a salon would be really uncomfortable and expensive!hehe! I asked my two close friends to dye my hair. I bought a Loreal Hair color I chose Mahogany. I still have my light brownish hair at that time but who cares? I still pursued coloring it Mahogany with the help of those two friends of mine. The end result was darker! I think, it came back to dark brown or something. So, I guess, mixing mahogany and light brown will turn to dark brown hair color.

And just recently, 2 days ago, again I tried dyeing my hair and this time my other bestfriend Kae, she also wants to try a new hair color. We were really digging to have an Ombre hair but it’s a lot of work because we also need a bleaching agent for that and we had no time left. It’s her first time! We took the risk of coloring our hair. I chose copper blonde and she chose Light Blonde. Never thinking about the consequences of it. =))

Viola! Now, here’s  the end result of our obscenity. Not exactly what I expected but just what I wanted. Not massive but still quirky.

Best viewed under the sun or light. =)

For those who wants to color their hair, I would really recommend to go to the Salon, however if you’re a little short.. you can do it on your own but just be sure to keep your hair healthy because Hair dye can make your hair really dry. You have to keep it well conditioned and nourished.

*We are not professionals. We just do it for fun and experience! =)

Never be afraid to try something new.

If one is forever cautious, can one remain a human being?  ~Aleksander Solzhenitsyn