Some say that the truth hurts. Yes the truth hurts especially if someone keeps on denying it. But, after all is said and done, once the truth is laid down, you will not feel anything anymore (after all the crying and dwelling) You’ll go numb and questions will start filling you mind and I got really scared.
I tried to listen, but reasons are made up with words and the real reason is somewhere between those lines and his mind. Sometimes reasons are made to protect one’s self. He blamed me for everything. That’s when I realized that people will try to put the fault to anyone for their own actions and that’s what strucked me the most. Do I get all the credit for these wrong acts? Do I really need to take the blame for his decisions? Yes I hope so, so that when I tried to change, he’ll changed too. Simple as that.
I am proud of him, i always boast him to my colleagues and friends. I tell then that aside from his work he has another project (which i found out that he really is not going to work but goes to those places, funny that I even encourage him to go to his project weekly). He is sweet even though im always hot tempered. He cooks for me, give gifts, says sweet words out of the blue and takes care of our baby even while working. He is a real father figure, everyday, I feel thankful that he is there to take care of my baby. But, after all this, its devastating to know that he is another person behind my back. Someone who goes with a handle name and a story to tell. A total stranger. Sick.
All those time and money he invested in such places, could have been invested in enhancing his skills and knowledge, he can even have new friends with same passion by attending seminars And trainings. If you really want to be successful, no ifs and buts, you make a way to have it. And we could have been more proud than ever. I really thought he is smarter than this. He tells me he wants us to get married in the church, he keeps on telling me that he will save money But his money is being exhausted to his unusual vice and by that, so far, I do not see any wedding To happen any time soon.
For the past few days, all those crying, screaming and flying rockers and toys. I realized that he is very weak. Not only in terms of his urges and sexual desires but He is still weak in handling his own emotions and decisions. I loved him and its disappointing to see him wreck this family with those kinds of decisions. As what his dad said, the father is the one who carries the family, if he goes to those kinds of places this means that he is also dragging us to immorality. I feel sad for our son! (It sucks!)
My mentor told me that she learned that you have to have 3 mentors in your life. First is your mentor in your career. This person will help you to shape what you really want in terms of your career and future goals. He’ll open you to the different options that you can have and enhance your passion and skills. Another is your life Mentor, someone you confide in all you life and personal concerns, someone you look up to and would encourage you to take the best decisions in your life and lastly your Rock. If all else fails, your rock will be there to pick up the pieces and help you stand up and grow to be the best person that you can be. I want to be his rock. I would like to be his rock but he is finding for a different rock somewhere along those places.
Looking back on the past few days, I am very tired already, Im sure he is too. We are both tired. Our love is slowly dying and our family is at risk. I would like to help him get back on track but if he keeps on changing his directions, I guess that’s the time to move on and find my own Rock, no more ifs and buts.