Something new: Make up

I have been so busy these past few months. A lot of things happened and i was not able to keep track with most of it. But, on a general perspective I learned something new and something about myself.

For the past months, as I have written here in my personal blog,  i suffered from betrayal and my self confidence dropped into its all time low. I felt unattractive because he cheated on me. For the first time,  I felt anxious.

Then, I started to focus on myself,  although weightloss is still a struggle (my weight is still within the normal side but I really want to loose all those tummy fats!!) I decided to do something new to myself, to redeem my lost confidence and the feeling of being ugly. It all started one day when I was browsing youtube and started seeing make up vlogs. How tos here and there. I clicked Michelle Dy’s one vlog about simple on the go make up and I had this lightbulb moment!

You see,  i really do not know how to use make up. Powder foundation and lipstick that’s it and im good to go. For 29 years that was my mantra. I never plucked my eyebrows, never put eyeliner all by myself and only wears full make up on big occasions (well,  of course some else does the make up) So make up was a bit out of my league and I was really scared at first.

Next day,  I bought my first ever eyebrow pencil from etude. I initially had different trials and errors from shaving or plucking my eyebrows but after so many attempts and too many pencil drawings, weeks passed (yes weeks!) I was finally able to perfect my brows! (Well,  not perfect but something the perfectly fits my preference!) 

Then everything went too fast! I started buying make up online,  next was the eyeliner from skinpotions,  the meowliner. They were marketing it as an easy way to perfect the winged eyeliner by stamping your way to it and then connecting it to your liners. I was surprised at how easy it is to use. I used to think that I will never ever learn how to use it but I was able to do it! 

The next thing on my list was a lip tint! I love lipsticks but I really think that lip tints are more natural to look at and easier to use. I bought my constant companion from banilla co. Then as the days move,  my make up kit started to get full. I then bought a new powder foundation loreal infallible, and my favorite so far caresse cushion lip gradation from loreal! Really want to buy every color but it is so expensive! It became my go to blush on and lip gradation after putting on my liptint. Also bought a new eyebrow pencil from loreal (i love loreal!) And finally the last one that I bought was a mascara from mumuso.

There are still so much from my make up list that I wanted to buy and learn how to use,  highlighted palette, liquid foundation and eye shadow pallete and other essentials.

A lot of people started to notice (especially at work) that somethings is new especially on my appearance. It really feels great to received compliments on how I look and how my look have improved. I been receiving positive feedbacks like “oh your brows looked good!”,  ” what did you use with your eye? I liked it!”.

I used to think that make up is only for those who have low confidence (maybe due to pimples or skin conditions to cover them up) or for those who just wants attention but based from my experience,  make up can not only change or enhance you facial features but mostly it helps someone to somehow fix on what’s inside of him or her. 

Make up really helped me a lot during those times that I was about to lose everything. So glad that I am better than before because I was able to divert my negative feelings and create something for myself by using and learning how to use make up. 

Now,  I have high respect and I admire every women who chose to wear make up (that does not mean that I think less of those who do not use any!!) Natural beauty is and will always be the best,  make ups are there to enhance and give emphasis to the beauty that was given not only outside but definitely on the inside. 

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What happened to Love?

It pains me to know that there are a lot of women or wives who have experience being cheated on by their partners.

What’s more sad is when actually see it with their own eyes. Well, not really on the act of doing it but seeing it online through chats, site or even text messages. It is like a documented version of all those cheating escapades and texts or words can really cut deep more than the physical aspect.

I have been reading a lot about other girls and their experiences. Almost each case is the same. They get married and then somewhere along the way they find out the shenanigans and discover the unusual and immoral personalities of the person whom they believed to have loved them as much as they love them.

Sometimes I wonder how strong is the urge compared to the significance of keeping the family and love that you built and have dreamed of, was it that easy to decide?

 

Office Girl

I am currently working as a supervisor (Team lead) at a Healthcare Data/IT KPO (Knowledge Process Outsourcing) company similar to BPOs. I will be turning 5 years soon!

I am actually a B.S Nursing graduate. Yes,  I was able to be a nurse at a hospital and clinic but I guess, it is not really what I wanted. In the first placed I took up nursing because back then it was so in demand and I really love Science, Biology and other stuff about the human body! haha.

Anyway, aside from being a Nurse, I also had my few years as a Online English Tutor to Koreans. Its was fun while it lasted but I didn’t really find any career growth in that line of work so I decided to resign. When I first started here in my current job, I was surprised as this was a formal setting kind of Job. We need to dress up casual business attire during Mondays to Thursdays and  Friday is our wash day. It’s hard to choose what to wear everyday unlike before as a Nurse we have a Uniform and I will never  run out of clothes!

Well clothes is just a minor part of working here. But, as days go by, the more I realized that I like this kind of Job. Like any other work or office work, I had experience tensions with my co-worker I was even reported to HR for something that I did not intentionally do, I think I posted this one before. There are also pressures in terms of deliverables, cut offs and deadlines and as a team lead, I get to talk to different kinds of people and need to vary my approach for each person.

Does your job make you happy? (50 questions) Although this is not so much related to my Course, I am very much happy with this Company and with the people I worked with. If this was asked to me during my first few days or years, I would definitely say No. Time and experience can really do so much and I am currently Happy for sure.

Right now, I am having second thoughts of working from home to be able to look after my son as he grows up and giving up on this work will definitely hard for me.

 

Random Thoughts: Flirting or Cheating?

Well, would you be fine with your Special someone flirting with other girls?

Some women may say that ‘oh its okay as long as nothing physical happens’,  ‘he is like that to everyone’, ‘its nothing serious’. With these,  some might accept the fact that their husband or boyfriend is just a little flirty.

But come to think of it. Flirting is already a red flag. There is no such thing as full blown cheating,  it will always start somewhere and flirting is one of those. Sometimes, the saying “once you start,  you cant stop” applies.

A book of Letters

 

Yep, this is my first post about my 50 questions. I know I made a previous post regarding how I love to read especially when I was in my Junior years. I used to go with my sister to a nearby bookstore every weekend after church and she would buy me any books for kids that’s for sale.

There’s one book that will always be first on my mind and it’s Dear Mr. Henshaw by Beverly Cleary, I have a lot of Beverly Cleary books but this was one for the keeps. When I watched the movie “Stuck in Love”, there’s one scene where in the two main characters were on a date and they shared what is their Favorite book, turns out the characters both loved the book Dear Mr. Henshaw. My eyes lit up as I remembered the book. Well, the hopeless romantic in me wished that I could meet someone who shares the same kind of passion in reading. Anyway.. lol.

Dear Mr Henshaw is about a little boy named, Leigh Botts from a broken family. Together with his Mother  they moved to a new town and new school. Everything happened after a school assignment in which they would need to write a letter to their chosen Author and for him it was Mr Henshaw, from their constant exchange of Letters, the two characters formed an unexpected bond.

For me writing is very essential. I love writing! (well, the reason why I have a blog) and what I liked about this book is that it was able to show how far a letter or someone’s writing can go. When we write, all the feelings, questions and thoughts are being constructed, it is some form of release and somehow creates a compelling story that everyone can relate to.

I do not read anymore like when I was younger (technology and stuffs) but if I have a choice, I would definitely go back to reading. I wish someday, I can extend this amazing interest to my son.

“De Sooner De Better De Later De Letter De Madder I Getter”
Beverly Cleary, Dear Mr. Henshaw

50 Questions

As I have always wanted, my blog has been and will always be as personal as possible. I do not even share this to my other social media accounts as I would want to keep all my rants and thoughts away from those people that I know. Away from criticism and unsolicited advises especially from people that pretends to care but really just wants or are looking for someone to be the topic of their afternoon coffee meet ups and random gossips.
Well Anyways, I thought to somehow distract myself from thinking of my current issues in life. I found these 50 Questions (50 Questions To Ask Someone If You Wanna Know Who They Really Are) from the Overrated Thought Catalog haha.
1. What is your favorite book?
2. Does your job make you happy?
3. What did you want to be when you were younger?
4. Why did your last relationship end?
5. What’s been your biggest mistakes so far in life and what did you learn?
6. Where is your favorite place in the entire world to go?
7. What is your top five favorite movies?
8. What are some of your favorite songs?
9. What qualities do you admire about your parents?
10. How would you describe your best friend? 
11. What’s your favorite hobby to do alone?
12. What’s something you can’t go a day without doing?
13. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done lately?
14. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for love?
15. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
16. Why do you think you’re still single?
17. What accomplishment are you most proud of?
18. What is one dream you have yet to accomplish?
19. What is your greatest fear?
20. What are three things you value most about a person?
21. Who are five people you are closest with?
22. What is the greatest struggle you’ve overcome?
23. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
24. What’s the most exciting thing that’s happened this past year?
25. What’s your favorite beer?
26. What’s one thing that bothers you most about the world today?
27. Who are you closer with your mom or your dad?
28. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
29. If you could change one thing about the world what would it be?
30. Who was your favorite teacher and why?
31. What sport did you fall in love with?
32. What is the weirdest thing about you?
33. What was your longest relationship?
34. What would your best friend say is your best quality?
35. Who is your favorite historical figure?
36. What made you choose the college you went to?
37. If you could tell your former self one thing right now what would it be?
38. What food could you not live without?
39. Dogs or Cats?
40. What’s closest you’ve ever come to being arrested?
41. What was your best birthday?
42. What’s one thing you wish you knew how to do?
43. Where’s one place you’d like to go that you haven’t been?
44. What was the last book you read? And When?
45. Where do you usually get your news?
46. What are some of your own personal goals in the next 5 years?
47. What would you consider your greatest accomplishment so far?
48. If you could get away with anything that you do?
49. Who is your greatest hero?
50. What’s the greatest risk you’ve ever taken?
These questions are as direct as they should be. But, I am thinking that while answering them, well might as well make that each question will serve as a blog entry for the coming days. I hope I’ll be able to complete this! 

Things to remind my self

🌻 You do not need to know everything and that not everything that you know is true.

🌻 Invest in yourself. Someday you’ll be proud of the things that you have accomplished.

🌻 Tell them once or twice but if they do not listen to you,  let them do their thing. “I told you so” will be the least thing that you would want to say.

🌻 You are not to blame if they lie. Lying is a decision. It is a choice. Always choose to be right. 

🌻 Be tired but do not give up. Hard work pays off. 

How I met him

My partner was my first boyfriend ever. He was my college crush. He plays football and I always saw him at the university field playing. I never expected anything at all, I wasn’t even that vain and that’s why I knew that there’s no way that he’ll notice me.

Well, I see him at the University but not every day but every time I see him I noticed that he has different girlfriend each time. Well, I should have known. One time my friend tried to approach him while he was resting after playing football, to introduce me, but I immediately went away. I was nervous that time. I do not even care to know him, I just liked his face and I am contented just seeing him.

He also have classmates that were in the same block as I am so some of them knows that I have a crush on him but he still has no idea about it. After 2 years, We were 4th year then, while watching basketball at our university court one of my friends saw him, pushed me and told me that she’ll introduce me to him and he was surprised because we even took a picture together. I swallowed all my shyness away.

After that day, he asked my friend for my number and he started courting me. I guess since he was my crush, although a lot of my friends were against him because he is a bit flirty with girls..I did not mind and just shoved it all off and I said to myself  “Why not try?”.

And now, we are 9 years together and with a baby boy.

Well, I always thought that our love story is quite cute, well not until I found out about all his shenanigans.

Ma Mum..

Last night I came home and saw my son. He was so excited to see me, he started crying and trying to babble words.. he’s been saying “Mum mum ma mum”, I do not know if he really meant something like Mommy or Mom but the syllables and sound made me extra happy that I started kissing him and hugging him.

What I noticed recently is that I’ve been buying all these stuffs for him: Shoes, clothes and toys. He has a lot of shoes, clothes and toys already but whenever I see something cute, I ended up purchasing more than what I intended to. I guess it’s true that we only want the best for our babies.

Recent Purchases were:

Sweater, Timberland inspired shoes, T shirt and Jogger pants.

I do love shopping but right now I shop mostly for him! Well, I think I need to train myself to control whatever urges I have to buy unnecessary things for him. 🙂

Mommies, what’s your recent purchases for your babies?? 🙂

my present future

Before all of these things, before the lies and the secrets, whenever I think about the future, I have this picture of a happy, contented and complete family. I was really looking forward to giving my baby a sister or a brother. I was happy and I feel blessed.

But when it all came out, things change and so did I. Marriage is definitely out of talks. I do not see him marrying me anytime soon or maybe marriage may never happen. I started to accept the fact that I do not want to be tied up with someone who cannot be man and mature enough to take my hand in marriage. I begun to see the future with only me and my baby. I am looking at giving up my career and start a homebased job in which I can financially support and look at my son everyday. I started finding new ways to improve myself, my skills and how to increase my savings so that I’ll be ready for his education and my future with my baby.

It’s disappointing to realize that I will never be married and I will never have the family that I wish to have ever again. Everything is tainted. We’re not even at the middle yet but things are already complicated.