Busy bee

Almost thought that this (off) day would not arrive at all. I just had crazy busy 5 days. After the longest week ever (new job!)

I’ve been so busy with work, catching up and learning to cope and adapting to new things, new workplace and with new people. I’m also continuously ranting and raving about it with some of my friends, my mother and my boyfriend.

I don’t know why, but I feel a little pressured and overburdened with the tensions of being a new employee. I feel like I’m competing with my other new co workers and I’m not liking it. Plus the fact that I’m having a hard time getting by with the Senior Nurses. I’m too sensitive with how they see me and how they look at me and because of that it makes me  feel so shy.

I know that, it is normal to feel this way especially that I’m just a new employee and it’s acceptable to make mistakes because there’s still a lot of space to grow and learn. It’s just that, right now, I’m more concerned with how they perceive me as a person and how they look at me physically. Some of my co-workers are a bit snob. Sometimes, I feel like they don’t like me by the way I look and act. I feel so unappreciated and  unwanted. Everything is all about my insecurities again.  =(

In relation to that, I also feel apologetic because I keep on blurting my complains to my boyfriend and I know he’s also having his own issues at work. Boys just have a way of keeping their feelings to themselves, that sometimes I see him as a carefree and stressed free person but in reality he’s not. I know he’s not telling me some of his problems because he doesn’t want me to worry about him. I just hope I can be like him. 

But despite all of that, I’m still keeping my fingers crossed. I know that this will be a very promising year for me, this is an opportunity that I should not waste.  I have that feeling deep down in my stomach. The one that says, “Nothing can stop you.” Just like  what my boyfriend told me, “Focus on work first”. I just need to work harder and everything will follow.