Painful truth

Some say that the truth hurts. Yes the truth hurts especially if someone keeps on denying it. But, after all is said and done, once the truth is laid down, you will not feel anything anymore (after all the crying and dwelling) You’ll go numb and questions will start filling you mind and I got really scared.

I tried to listen, but reasons are made up with words and the real reason is somewhere between those lines and his mind. Sometimes reasons are made to protect one’s self. He blamed me for everything. That’s when I realized that people will try to put the fault to anyone for their own actions and that’s what strucked me the most. Do I get all the credit for these wrong acts? Do I really need to take the blame for his decisions? Yes I hope so, so that when I tried to change, he’ll changed too. Simple as that.
I am proud of him, i always boast him to my colleagues and friends. I tell then that aside from his work he has another project (which i found out that he really is not going to work but goes to those places, funny that I even encourage him to go to his project weekly). He is sweet even though im always hot tempered. He cooks for me, give gifts, says sweet words out of the blue and takes care of our baby even while working. He is a real father figure, everyday, I feel thankful that he is there to take care of my baby. But, after all this, its devastating to know that he is another person behind my back. Someone who goes with a handle name and a story to tell. A total stranger. Sick.

All those time and money he invested in such places, could have been invested in enhancing his skills and knowledge, he can even have new friends with same passion by attending seminars And trainings. If you really want to be successful, no ifs and buts, you make a way to have it. And we could have been more proud than ever. I really thought he is smarter than this. He tells me he wants us to get married in the church, he keeps on telling me that he will save money But his money is being exhausted to his unusual vice and by that, so far, I do not see any wedding To happen any time soon.

For the past few days, all those crying, screaming and flying rockers and toys. I realized that he is very weak. Not only in terms of his urges and sexual desires but He is still weak in handling his own emotions and decisions. I loved him and its disappointing to see him wreck this family with those kinds of decisions. As what his dad said, the father is the one who carries the family, if  he goes to those kinds of places this means that he is also dragging us to immorality. I feel sad for our son! (It sucks!)

My mentor told me that she learned that you have to have 3 mentors in your life. First is your mentor in your career. This person will help you to shape what you really want in terms of your career and future goals. He’ll open you to the different options that you can have and enhance your passion and skills. Another is your life Mentor, someone you confide in all you life and personal concerns, someone you look up to and would encourage you to take the best decisions in your life and lastly your Rock. If all else fails, your rock will be there to pick up the pieces and help you stand up and grow to be the best person that you can be. I want to be his rock. I would like to be his rock but he is finding for a different rock somewhere along those places.

Looking back on the past few days, I am very tired already, Im sure he is too. We are both tired. Our love is slowly dying and our family is at risk. I would like to help him get back on track but if he keeps on changing his directions, I guess that’s the time to move on and find my own Rock, no more ifs and buts. 

Living on the brink

I hope it was that easy.

I was scrolling facebook and found an article about cheating husbands. Nope, it was not about the usual cheating of a man being truly in love with another woman aside from his wife. But a man that longs for attention and finds it in some women who offers sexual encounters in exchange of cash and when confronted he’ll play the “deny till you die” game maybe because of pride and shame.

I feel real bad, something more of a rope wrapped around my neck, yes that bad. Red flags are not red flags anymore because I know for sure, his reasons are different everytime. Short tempered, over reacting to things, losing patience and unusual walks, grab history and text messages. I know something is not right with him and I know that its not my fault. All these are just part of his sick frustrations, sexual desires, seeking for attention and longings for the thrill.

I honestly felt sorry for him, I wish I could help him. I just hope he’ll realized that all these girls are just a facade and a waste of time and money. By availing He’s even encouraging these women to continue working in a so called “business”that is more of an animal business. Flesh and bone. All these Money that could have been saved for the future and time that could have been spent with me and my son.

Our family is on the edge. Nothing can stop this fall except him And no one can help him but himself. I tried to protect him but time will come and all of these efforts will be gone to waste if he’ll continue with these short time pleasures. I hope he’ll realize it sooner because someday everything that he is trying to build will come crashing down before his very eyes and I sure hope he’s prepared.

Quick post: Hornswoggle

โ€œTo cheat oneself out of love is the most terrible deception; it is an eternal loss for which there is no reparation, either in time or in eternity.โ€ – Soren Kierkegaardโ€

What is it about movies about cheating here in theย Philippines? They’re coming like chicken laying eggs or something. I’m not sure If they want people to learn a lesson about not cheating or teaching them how to. I really don’t know, and what I don’t understand is that why do people cheat? If you don’t love the other person, leave and move on. Find a new one and be happy, isn’t it easier?ย 

I’ve been cheated and I still don’t know why and how it happened but what I do know is that it is awful. The feeling is awful and it’s taking advantage. It’s misleading and everyone who’s involve is a loser. It’s just funny to know that people loves feeling pain and being hurt. It’s never the easy way out.