Burned up.

It’s been a really hard Monday for me yesterday. A lot of things happened at work and I don’t even know where to start with this blog post. Last week, our Team Leader resigned and this gave all of us a surprise because it was very urgent. Of course, we have no choice but continue with our jobs and work. And now, another member of the team decided to leave the company due to her personal reasons and guess who’s really affected with this? Me! 

Our manager decided that I should go on a training to temporarily replace our team mate. At first, my group mates were bothered by this decision because they thought that I will leave the group and they said that it will have a huge impact for the group’s performance. We talked to our manager and she agreed that everything will just be for a short while. 

I have no choice because they needed someone very urgently and I don’t like to let them down. Anyhow, I feel grateful that they recognize my skills and abilities with my job. I know this will be a burden (because I’ll have to do my task as an RSA member and now also as KFPB) but I know that everything that i’ll be doing now will be worth someday. This will be a big acid test for me. Wish me all the luck! =)

Nothing to fall back on nothing.

I’m telling you with my eyes. Not with my words.

I really wished it happened.. or maybe not.

Differences between a relationship and a lie..

turns into confusion and distractions.

Everything was perfect and then gone.

Will I ever be enough?

When it comes to you, I don’t know what to do.

More promises, more expectations.

Pointless nights and empty satisfactions.

I know I’ve had enough, but I can’t get enough of you.

Where to start?

I know it’s quite irritating to always hear brags and rants. However, I just want to let it all out. It’s because I’m feeling kind of frustrated nowadays. A continuous state of bafflement. Again, I’m so confused and it’s all about my career, job and probably my future. I got so much in my mind but I can’t seem to choose what to do first. Again, I’m undecided and it’s becoming so depressing or maybe I’m just over-thinking and over-analyzing things but I can’t help it. I got so many what if’s and they are all adding up to all my questions hanging up like clouds and their blocking my view to a brighter future. Ugh. I don’t want to sit at home and be lonely and wait for a sign or what. I want it to happen now, but that’s obviously impossible. Plus, I still have issues with my mom regarding my career choice. Ugh, I can’t deal with this anymore. 

“Our frustration is greater when we have much and want more than when we have nothing and want some. We are less dissatisfied when we lack many things than when we seem to lack but one thing.”

Eric Hoffer quotes

 

 

Why?

Why do people leave just like that and come again into your life like nothing really happened?

It’s really confusing. As we know, people leave and it’s for a reason. So when they return is it still for a reason? Do you need to welcome them again and start a clean slate?

The reason may be good or bad.The only thing how you look at it and the other person react to it. It is hard as hell to move on from someone whom you almost think will be your life forever. But, sometimes when you’re finally done and starting to accept everything. They go and come around again ruining your chances of getting away. For no reason, they want to be with you again. They want to be a part of your life again.

Sometimes, I think he just wants to be with me again because he got used with me being with him whenever he wants or maybe he was pressured by his friends to get back with me. It can be that he’s shy to admit to everyone that he’s the one who called it off.

Right now, I’m really confused. I talk to him everyday but I’m uncertain and in doubt about what is going on between us. I missed him, but whenever I remember the times that he left me. I just can’t help but be scared and weak. I’m so confused.