Mental Health

Mental health awareness month!

Mental health is a state of well-being in which an individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and is able to make a contribution to his or her community.-WHO

There are many factors that could affect our mental health, stress, Poor physical health, reaction to an incident, trauma, social disadvantage and even genetic factors.

I have always been the emotional one.
I react easily to situations and most of the times, I overeact.😂 Even before Mason, I am already a worrier, always anxious and a negative self talker. A person’s mental health starts from childhood and it is nurtured as he/she grows. One of the things that I remember when I was a child is definitely the weekly conflict of my parents (they adore each other so much but they always have these petty quarrels that often turns into a big deal) I got used to my Dad’s reaction to things and possibly why I unconsciously corresponded to this character too.
I could go on with lots if issues that I had experienced (I think, I blogged a lot of them here too, just scroll way back) But, dont get we wrong, my child hood was not that bad, it was chaotic but full of love. My parents are super sweet most of the time especially to me (syempre bunso 😂) I think that all these ordeals good or bad, and how I was able to overcome everything, makes up my emotional well being now. But honestly, I am still learning and experiencing new things.

There are ways to take care of our mental health such as, getting help from professionals when needed, connecting with others, getting involved in physical activities, helping others, getting enough sleep and staying positive that there is a way out. For me, one of the things that really helped me is by writing it all down! Up to this day, writing no doubt will always make me feel better (hence this very personal blog). Writing everything helps me to be more aware and attuned to the things that makes me so stress and things that I cannot control. Aside from writing, family and friends are my next go to. My partner is not a pessimist like me so I guess it helps to have someone who can pull me out of my cynicism. And of course, friends who listen never fails too. One experience has really drained me and I once needed a counselor to manage my stress (yes don’t be afraid to consult and to find help). I have been trying to explore things daily that will help me calm down without putting too much pressure on myself too.

This pandemic has affected so many people in so many ways like loss of job, social limitations, social media pressure and the covid scare itself. Ive seen people feeling more agitated, more stressed, more restless, and more sleepless. (Me included! 🙋🏻‍♀)  If know someone who feels this way, (even you!) dont forget to connect and reach out. 🤗

And before this month ends, I just want to share this quote
“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.” — Fred Rogers 😘

Something new: Make up

I have been so busy these past few months. A lot of things happened and i was not able to keep track with most of it. But, on a general perspective I learned something new and something about myself.

For the past months, as I have written here in my personal blog,  i suffered from betrayal and my self confidence dropped into its all time low. I felt unattractive and for the first time,  I felt anxious.

Then, I started to focus on myself,  although weightloss is still a struggle (my weight is still within the normal side but I really want to loose all those tummy fats!!) I decided to do something new to myself, to redeem my lost confidence and the feeling of being ugly. It all started one day when I was browsing youtube and started seeing make up vlogs. How tos here and there. I clicked Michelle Dy’s one vlog about simple on the go make up and I had this lightbulb moment!

You see,  i really do not know how to use make up. Powder foundation and lipstick that’s it and im good to go. For 29 years that was my mantra. I never plucked my eyebrows, never put eyeliner all by myself and only wears full make up on big occasions (well,  of course some else does the make up) So make up was a bit out of my league and I was really scared at first.

Next day,  I bought my first ever eyebrow pencil from etude. I initially had different trials and errors from shaving or plucking my eyebrows but after so many attempts and too many pencil drawings, weeks passed (yes weeks!) I was finally able to perfect my brows! (Well,  not perfect but something the perfectly fits my preference!) 

Then everything went too fast! I started buying make up online,  next was the eyeliner from skinpotions,  the meowliner. They were marketing it as an easy way to perfect the winged eyeliner by stamping your way to it and then connecting it to your liners. I was surprised at how easy it is to use. I used to think that I will never ever learn how to use it but I was able to do it! 

The next thing on my list was a lip tint! I love lipsticks but I really think that lip tints are more natural to look at and easier to use. I bought my constant companion from banilla co. Then as the days move,  my make up kit started to get full. I then bought a new powder foundation loreal infallible, and my favorite so far caresse cushion lip gradation from loreal! Really want to buy every color but it is so expensive! It became my go to blush on and lip gradation after putting on my liptint. Also bought a new eyebrow pencil from loreal (i love loreal!) And finally the last one that I bought was a mascara from mumuso.

There are still so much from my make up list that I wanted to buy and learn how to use,  highlighted palette, liquid foundation and eye shadow pallete and other essentials.

A lot of people started to notice (especially at work) that somethings is new especially on my appearance. It really feels great to received compliments on how I look and how my look have improved. I been receiving positive feedbacks like “oh your brows looked good!”,  ” what did you use with your eye? I liked it!”.

I used to think that make up is only for those who have low confidence (maybe due to pimples or skin conditions to cover them up) or for those who just wants attention but based from my experience,  make up can not only change or enhance you facial features but mostly it helps someone to somehow fix on what’s inside of him or her. 

Make up really helped me a lot during those times that I was about to lose everything. So glad that I am better than before because I was able to divert my negative feelings and create something for myself by using and learning how to use make up. 

Now,  I have high respect and I admire every women who chose to wear make up (that does not mean that I think less of those who do not use any!!) Natural beauty is and will always be the best,  make ups are there to enhance and give emphasis to the beauty that was given not only outside but definitely on the inside. 

My day: There is something seriously wrong somewhere.

It was a truly long and unintelligible day for me. Too plenty to talk about and to short to whine about. Let’s allow the bullets to speak out.

> Woke up late because my work starts at 11am

> Tried my charm talking to lots of people.

> Tried getting along with my co-workers hoping that they would respond positively.

> Observed another Treadmill test. Confusing but apprehensible.

>Saw my boyfriend’s cousin and aunt together with the children having a check up at the clinic. Had a short chat with them.

> Had an awry PPD skin test injection to a 2 year old child. This made my day into a gruesome one. I’m so paranoid that the injection spot would form an edema or be inflamed and would lead me to have an IR. =((( That would be the end of me.

> I was (and still) preoccupied the remaining hours after the incident.

> Went to my boyfriend’s house (to eat, because I know my mother will not prepare food for me), found out he’s sick.

> His parents interrogating me and asking questions about my new work, salary, phone fights and my parents not knowing about Biggy. Pressure time.

> Sudden turn of emotion when I saw Biggy’s baby pic and His father’s baby pic. They look like twins!

Right now, I’m so sleepy but I cannot sleep. I keep on thinking about that injection incident and I feel like I’m about to burst from my paranoia and uneasiness. So help me Lord God.

Where to start?

I know it’s quite irritating to always hear brags and rants. However, I just want to let it all out. It’s because I’m feeling kind of frustrated nowadays. A continuous state of bafflement. Again, I’m so confused and it’s all about my career, job and probably my future. I got so much in my mind but I can’t seem to choose what to do first. Again, I’m undecided and it’s becoming so depressing or maybe I’m just over-thinking and over-analyzing things but I can’t help it. I got so many what if’s and they are all adding up to all my questions hanging up like clouds and their blocking my view to a brighter future. Ugh. I don’t want to sit at home and be lonely and wait for a sign or what. I want it to happen now, but that’s obviously impossible. Plus, I still have issues with my mom regarding my career choice. Ugh, I can’t deal with this anymore. 

“Our frustration is greater when we have much and want more than when we have nothing and want some. We are less dissatisfied when we lack many things than when we seem to lack but one thing.”

Eric Hoffer quotes

 

 

These are the times..

These are the times where I wanted someone to talk to me so bad and just be left alone at the same time. The times where I usually drown myself watching Zombiefied movies to somehow divert my attention.  I’m not sure where I should put myself. I have no plan at all or maybe I got tired planning things that never really happen. This is not new to me, I can feel it almost every year since I’ve graduated and I’m so fed up already. Maybe even my friends are also tired of hearing all these dramas that I’ve been saying. Yes, I’m one of those stereotypes who hide everything by smiling, giggling, laughing and even by telling jokes that makes no sense at all. I’m usually  found inflating my ego to the point of nausea.

The truth is I’m scared of her.

I always carry out the pressure that she makes me feel. She’s my weakness and this weakness is dragging me away from her. Why do I always feel like I have to live up to her expectations? Do I even have a choice? All I want is to have a goal, a plan but I’m scared that everything will be washed out again and ends up with her blaming me all my life. ='(