For the past months..I’ve been constantly battling anxiety. There are better days and there are days where I can’t even keep up.
My anxiety consists of sleeping and waking up in the middle of the night looking for something, looking for him or at times I cannot even sleep because i feel like I cannot breathe or I wont be able to breathe when I sleep. This has been happening frequently for the past few months and i somehow used to it. I usually catch up some sleep when my mom is around. I feel somewhat relieved when she’s here with us.
But lately, especially after new year, I felt that my frequents became my usual and the attacks are more intense and combinations of feeling nauseous, shortness of breath and unable to sleep even though my head is already aching and screaming for sleep. When Im lucky I get to fall asleep but then nightmares are there and im up again. At times, I cry, I cry just to let everything out. It helps but not all the time.
I do not want to think about it anymore. But maybe because these are the same months and days from last year when I had those surge of emotions and everything kept coming back, haunting me up until now.
I just hope that I’ll be able to handle all of these because I know that if this will not stop, I might end up into a black hole and never come back.