A book of Letters

 

Yep, this is my first post about my 50 questions. I know I made a previous post regarding how I love to read especially when I was in my Junior years. I used to go with my sister to a nearby bookstore every weekend after church and she would buy me any books for kids that’s for sale.

There’s one book that will always be first on my mind and it’s Dear Mr. Henshaw by Beverly Cleary, I have a lot of Beverly Cleary books but this was one is definitely for  keeps. When I watched the movie “Stuck in Love”, there’s one scene where in the two main characters were on a date and they shared what is their Favorite book, turns out the characters both loved the book Dear Mr. Henshaw. My eyes lit up as I remembered the book. Well, the hopeless romantic in me wished that I could meet someone who shares the same kind of passion in reading. Anyway.. lol.

Dear Mr Henshaw is about a little boy named, Leigh Botts from a broken family. Together with his Mother  they moved to a new town and new school. Everything happened after a school assignment in which they would need to write a letter to their chosen Author and for him it was Mr Henshaw, from their constant exchange of Letters, the two characters formed an unexpected bond.

For me writing is very essential. I love writing! (well, the reason why I have a blog) and what I liked about this book is that it was able to show how far a letter or someone’s writing can go. When we write, all the feelings, questions and thoughts are being constructed, it is some form of release and somehow creates a compelling story that everyone can relate to.

I do not read anymore like when I was younger (maybe due to technology and stuffs) but if I have time, I would definitely go back to reading. I wish someday, I can extend this amazing interest to my son.

“De Sooner De Better De Later De Letter De Madder I Getter”
― Beverly Cleary, Dear Mr. Henshaw

50 Questions

As I have always wanted, my blog has been and will always be as personal as possible. I do not even share this to my other social media accounts as I would want to keep all my rants and thoughts away from those people that I know. Away from criticism and unsolicited advises especially from people that pretends to care but really just wants or are looking for someone to be the topic of their afternoon coffee meet ups and random gossips.
Well Anyways, I thought to somehow distract myself from thinking of my current issues in life. I found these 50 Questions (50 Questions To Ask Someone If You Wanna Know Who They Really Are) from the Overrated Thought Catalog haha.
1. What is your favorite book?
2. Does your job make you happy?
3. What did you want to be when you were younger?
4. Why did your last relationship end?
5. What’s been your biggest mistakes so far in life and what did you learn?
6. Where is your favorite place in the entire world to go?
7. What is your top five favorite movies?
8. What are some of your favorite songs?
9. What qualities do you admire about your parents?
10. How would you describe your best friend? 
11. What’s your favorite hobby to do alone?
12. What’s something you can’t go a day without doing?
13. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done lately?
14. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for love?
15. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
16. Why do you think you’re still single?
17. What accomplishment are you most proud of?
18. What is one dream you have yet to accomplish?
19. What is your greatest fear?
20. What are three things you value most about a person?
21. Who are five people you are closest with?
22. What is the greatest struggle you’ve overcome?
23. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
24. What’s the most exciting thing that’s happened this past year?
25. What’s your favorite beer?
26. What’s one thing that bothers you most about the world today?
27. Who are you closer with your mom or your dad?
28. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
29. If you could change one thing about the world what would it be?
30. Who was your favorite teacher and why?
31. What sport did you fall in love with?
32. What is the weirdest thing about you?
33. What was your longest relationship?
34. What would your best friend say is your best quality?
35. Who is your favorite historical figure?
36. What made you choose the college you went to?
37. If you could tell your former self one thing right now what would it be?
38. What food could you not live without?
39. Dogs or Cats?
40. What’s closest you’ve ever come to being arrested?
41. What was your best birthday?
42. What’s one thing you wish you knew how to do?
43. Where’s one place you’d like to go that you haven’t been?
44. What was the last book you read? And When?
45. Where do you usually get your news?
46. What are some of your own personal goals in the next 5 years?
47. What would you consider your greatest accomplishment so far?
48. If you could get away with anything that you do?
49. Who is your greatest hero?
50. What’s the greatest risk you’ve ever taken?
These questions are as direct as they should be. But, I am thinking that while answering them, well might as well make that each question will serve as a blog entry for the coming days. I hope I’ll be able to complete this! 

Painful truth

Some say that the truth hurts. Yes the truth hurts especially if someone keeps on denying it. But, after all is said and done, once the truth is laid down, you will not feel anything anymore (after all the crying and dwelling) You’ll go numb and questions will start filling you mind and I got really scared.

I tried to listen, but reasons are made up with words and the real reason is somewhere between those lines and his mind. Sometimes reasons are made to protect one’s self. He blamed me for everything. That’s when I realized that people will try to put the fault to anyone for their own actions and that’s what strucked me the most. Do I get all the credit for these wrong acts? Do I really need to take the blame for his decisions? Yes I hope so, so that when I tried to change, he’ll changed too. Simple as that.
I am proud of him, i always boast him to my colleagues and friends. I tell then that aside from his work he has another project (which i found out that he really is not going to work but goes to those places, funny that I even encourage him to go to his project weekly). He is sweet even though im always hot tempered. He cooks for me, give gifts, says sweet words out of the blue and takes care of our baby even while working. He is a real father figure, everyday, I feel thankful that he is there to take care of my baby. But, after all this, its devastating to know that he is another person behind my back. Someone who goes with a handle name and a story to tell. A total stranger. Sick.

All those time and money he invested in such places, could have been invested in enhancing his skills and knowledge, he can even have new friends with same passion by attending seminars And trainings. If you really want to be successful, no ifs and buts, you make a way to have it. And we could have been more proud than ever. I really thought he is smarter than this. He tells me he wants us to get married in the church, he keeps on telling me that he will save money But his money is being exhausted to his unusual vice and by that, so far, I do not see any wedding To happen any time soon.

For the past few days, all those crying, screaming and flying rockers and toys. I realized that he is very weak. Not only in terms of his urges and sexual desires but He is still weak in handling his own emotions and decisions. I loved him and its disappointing to see him wreck this family with those kinds of decisions. As what his dad said, the father is the one who carries the family, if  he goes to those kinds of places this means that he is also dragging us to immorality. I feel sad for our son! (It sucks!)

My mentor told me that she learned that you have to have 3 mentors in your life. First is your mentor in your career. This person will help you to shape what you really want in terms of your career and future goals. He’ll open you to the different options that you can have and enhance your passion and skills. Another is your life Mentor, someone you confide in all you life and personal concerns, someone you look up to and would encourage you to take the best decisions in your life and lastly your Rock. If all else fails, your rock will be there to pick up the pieces and help you stand up and grow to be the best person that you can be. I want to be his rock. I would like to be his rock but he is finding for a different rock somewhere along those places.

Looking back on the past few days, I am very tired already, Im sure he is too. We are both tired. Our love is slowly dying and our family is at risk. I would like to help him get back on track but if he keeps on changing his directions, I guess that’s the time to move on and find my own Rock, no more ifs and buts. 

There’s way to happiness

After writing my last post, I cried. Yep! I cried big time! But then, I thought, why the hell would I let go of my happiness? I have my son and he is my Life! I am happy with my son beside me. I go home everyday to see him laugh and crack at my simple peek-a-boo! And as simple as that, he is definitely my bliss!

I decided to list down the things that make me happy, I’ll definitely look at this whenever I feel sad and try as much as possible to do these things everyday (insert hashtag feeling positive!)

• Spending time, cuddling, kissing and making my son giggle 🙂
• Thrift Store Shopping
• Eating Pizza! (Papa John’s, chicken bacon ranch or yellowcab)
• Chat time with my Girlfriends/Bffs
• Watching sunset at the Beach
• Vacations
• Staycations
• Watching movies with subtitles! hehe
• Reading inspirational Books
• Sewing, altering clothes
• Tucking in bed and sleeping while raining outside
• A good Hair day
• long hot showers
• Finding cute Little trinkets
• Trying a new recipe and the result taste is good!!
• Freshly painted manicure
• Listening to good ol’ RNB songs (90 to 00s!)
• Taking Good Photos or selfies!
• Helping people
• Setting a goal and achieving it
• Receiving Compliments (or giving! hehe)
• Catching up on reading my favorite blogs
• Instagram stalking my favorite bloggers
• New or clean sheets (I’ll buy another one next month!)
• Making Surprises
• Attending Birthday Parties
• Seeing cute Puppies (and my Milo!)
• Buying new toys or an item for my son
• Losing weight (working on it! haha)
• Misty photographs that make me yearn for a place I”m not sure I’ll ever get to be
• The date of my birthday
• The date of my Son’s birthday
• Catching the clock at 11:11 and using that minute to create magic via wishes
• When the hanged after laundry clothes are dry
• Having Original Ideas
• Making someone Laugh with my corny Jokes
• Falling asleep with my son beside me.
• Writing a feel good post on my blog
• New things!
• Online Shopping
• Receiving my parcel and opening the box
• Being so full, i get sleepy
• Tasting something incredibly delicious for the first time
• Finding money you had forgotten about
• Payday!
• Drinking the first sip of your favorite beverage
• Listening to a catchy tune
• Meeting someone who really cares about you
• Someone calling who you were just thinking about
• Eating at a nice restaurant
• Free food!
• Wearing a pretty dress or clothes that fits me well
• Trees and Leaves (Green for days!)
• Really, really good conversations (without one interrupting another, pure give and take communications)
• Cards, notepaper, stationary, letters.
• My list of favorite quotes
• That feeling when you take off your bra after wearing it for many hours
• Getting unexpected calls, SMS & emails that makes me feel special to someone.

There’s a lot of things to be happy about, it just shows that Happiness is really a choice. It is true that you can create happiness from even the tiniest and smallest things in life. Can you share yours? 🙂

 

Quick post: Comment allez vous?

I’ve been always wanting to update this blog but I can’t seem to find any motivation until now.

Last year, I remembered that I wrote my goals and found out that I was only able to cross out the “new phone” part. This year, I am very determined to do a lot of things. So help me. LOL

To start off, I’ve been eating alot for the last year and I can definitely feel and see that I’m gaining a lot of weight. This be said, you already knew my goal. Yep, it’s to lose weight! To begin my year, I already started my diet. Not really “diet”, but I started to cut off or to stop eating RICE during dinner time/at night. I can still eat or rather I still eat rice during breakfast and lunch but not during dinner time. At dinner, I usually eat: oats, fruits most specially bananas, sometimes cereals or bread/wheat bread. I must say I’m getting used to it. I’m on my 3rd week now and I can feel (I just hope this is not me hallucinating) that I’m starting to lose weight. Hopefully, I can continue this not only for months but for years.

Last year, I got a chance to talk to one of my bestest friends and we both agreed that we want to learn a new language for the coming year. So, we enrolled at UP and took MANDARIN (for her) and FRENCH for me. If you will ask me, why I chose French (yes, as you can see in my title).. well, I am definitely sure of one thing, I am not interested in Mandarin! hehe. Anyway, I got a lot of workmates who knew FRENCH/FRENCH MAJOR and I guess I was just fascinated. Last Saturday was our first day and I must say I was nervous at first but it was totally interesting. I get psyched whenever I learn or hear a new French word. I guess that’s a great way to start!

Aside from those things, of course it is still my priority to Save money (Savings). Also, I want to go out of Country for a vacation or even try applying for a job (if there’s an opportunity). Moreover, I want to start a clothing business. The latter part is quite blurry and I still don’t know when and how to start. =( Keeping my fingers crossed for that.

As for now, I guess that’s all that I want to work out for this year. I will definitely update this.

 

 

 

A month of Hiatus

Happy Holidays! It’s been more than a month..since I last posted something here on my blog. Last time was still our Pre Anniversary Celebration and for the past month, weeks and days, a lot of things had already happened. Here’s a catch up:

> My mom were able to move fast the result of the last election. She’s currently so busy being a Lola to my one and only niece. We still experience a lot of misunderstanding most specially when it comes to money, but I just don’t want to make an issue out of it. As we know, fighting over money is a big NO NO NO most importantly to your parents and relatives. =(

> My father, as always is still a big nagger. He’s stubborn and hard headed. Arrgh. As you can see we are not a Perfect family, but I atleast want to have a peaceful one. I just wish that he could take time and reflect on how lucky he is to have us instead of pin pointing and making a big deal out of all the small details.

> My boyfriend and I, just had our POST anniv celebration after the 3rd time that we rescheduled it. We went to a beautiful Hideaway somewhere in BATANGAS! It’s the first time that we went snorkeling together! Will post a blog for this soon.

> As we know, TACLOBAN and other Province in the Philippines, like CEBU, BOHOL and the rest of VISAYAS region experienced natural calamities and it left the provinces devastated. A lot of families lost their shelter, food, clothes and most significantly their Loved ones. It was really a tragic moment not only for them but for the whole country. My highschool friends, decided to help by volunteering in the repacking of relief goods at DSWD. We helped for almost 8 hours. It was really exhausting but the fun part is that we were able to Bond and talk to each other again after a long time. It became a mini reunion for us! Well of course, let’s add the wonderful feeling of helping our fellow Filipinos.

> We went to our Company’s year end party. Of course, I Asked my mom to make a dress for me and it was exactly what I wanted! The party was fun but too bad I didnt even win at the raffle. lol

> We got Promoted to PRODUCTION ANALYST from being a DATA MANAGEMENT CODER for 11 months! A really good news for us! Thank God for all the blessings!

Well, for some of the things that happened that I was not able to include here..maybe I would just make a special blog post for them. One blog post is not enough for me to tell all my new experiences and especially the happy times!

 

Quick post: Cold feet

I’m scared. I was happy a few hours ago but then, thinking about a lot of things turned my mood upside down.

I’m terrified.. of the future, I’m unknown and still wandering to where I am going. I don’t know which path is for me and which one is misleading. I’m floating, I’m stagnant and I’m undecided.

I’m afraid.. for my parents, time is so fast and they’re snatching away the years. If only I could stop everything and just hug them.

I’m worried.. for us, for him. I want this to last. I want this so bad. Is he the one or this is just a phase? Can we make it or not?

I’m scared.

Kounting Krishes’ day!

Friendship is a treasure that always help us overcome any kind of difficulty, Friendship is a comfort for, somehow which always understand worries and emotions, Friendship is a blessing because it teaches the way to live. – Unknown

After months of not seeing each other, finally got the time to bond and talk again with krish. It was also our late celebration of her Birthday! There’s a lot of new things going on for her and also with me so we did a lot of catching up. She’s having troubles with her Love life and I was having a hard time with my work. We talked about anything and I felt really relieved knowing that someone understands and supports me with whatever I’m feeling right now.

I know that she’s also very confused and hopeless but I’m sure that somewhere along the way, she’ll soon  find out what she needed to do.  Everything that’s been happening in our life now is just a phase and I’m still hoping for better things to come.

(the wackiest face we can do!)

It’s really a nice feeling to talk to someone who knows you well and won’t ever judge you. Love your friends! Again, Happy Birthday Krish!

Quick post: Out of control

Unlike my other posts about how my day went, I’ll make this a really quick one, I’m still super stressed and messed up. I can’t focus and I have a lot of things on my mind.

This week has been a wreck! A lot had happened already and mostly were really unfavorable. Biggy’s cousin died (Not sure about the Diagnosis) but it was really an unexpected event. She’s been nice to me and I had a chance to talk to her before the tragic event. I can see how hard it is for her family, she left her two babies and her husband. 

And of course the other one is that I made a mistake at work today (actually it was yesterday but they checked it today) the situation is really hard to explain since it’s more about computer/paperworks matter. I feel so dumbfounded and alarmed. I’m scared of what they will think about me. I’m so frightened. 

When you fail you learn from the mistakes you made and it motivates you to work even harder.
Natalie Gulbis

Busy bee

Almost thought that this (off) day would not arrive at all. I just had crazy busy 5 days. After the longest week ever (new job!)

I’ve been so busy with work, catching up and learning to cope and adapting to new things, new workplace and with new people. I’m also continuously ranting and raving about it with some of my friends, my mother and my boyfriend.

I don’t know why, but I feel a little pressured and overburdened with the tensions of being a new employee. I feel like I’m competing with my other new co workers and I’m not liking it. Plus the fact that I’m having a hard time getting by with the Senior Nurses. I’m too sensitive with how they see me and how they look at me and because of that it makes me  feel so shy.

I know that, it is normal to feel this way especially that I’m just a new employee and it’s acceptable to make mistakes because there’s still a lot of space to grow and learn. It’s just that, right now, I’m more concerned with how they perceive me as a person and how they look at me physically. Some of my co-workers are a bit snob. Sometimes, I feel like they don’t like me by the way I look and act. I feel so unappreciated and  unwanted. Everything is all about my insecurities again.  =(

In relation to that, I also feel apologetic because I keep on blurting my complains to my boyfriend and I know he’s also having his own issues at work. Boys just have a way of keeping their feelings to themselves, that sometimes I see him as a carefree and stressed free person but in reality he’s not. I know he’s not telling me some of his problems because he doesn’t want me to worry about him. I just hope I can be like him. 

But despite all of that, I’m still keeping my fingers crossed. I know that this will be a very promising year for me, this is an opportunity that I should not waste.  I have that feeling deep down in my stomach. The one that says, “Nothing can stop you.” Just like  what my boyfriend told me, “Focus on work first”. I just need to work harder and everything will follow.