2017: A look back

i was reading my 2018 horoscope overview and realized if my 2017 horoscope somehow come close on what was perceived prior 2017, funny that somehow the predictions were close to it, but yes! I do believe in zodiac signs and horoscopes or how the sun, moon, stars and planets aligned and its effects on someone’s life. Heh.

Anyway, I’ve been occupied with a lot of things, including the holiday rush and my baby, I was not able to update my blog for some weeks or even a month?

Looking back, 2017 was definitely a year of struggles, emotions and improvements all at the same time. Half of the year were hardships and failures and the second half were full of hope and progress.

I honestly think that this was a make or break year for my relationship and my family. I lost a whole lot of self-esteem and I’m glad that I’m somehow back on track.

Here’s a quick overview of how my 2017 went:

January: Well, the year started with the proofs and all, January 1 marked it. He received a text from someone saying “Happy New year too, babe”, after that, everything became a blur, we fought on the first day of the year. I knew then that that message will be the start of something more.

February: I felt distant, I knew that something was up! I’m living with a stranger and a life full of lies. We celebrated Valentine’s Day, he prepared something special but I smelled something fishy, definitely not the Honey Garlic Salmon that he made that night. He went out the next day, the prices were down, and so he might as well availed.

March: We fought almost every day and I started investigating and found his online accounts, his comments and all. I had panic and anxiety attacks. He kept on lying or lying with girls? Lol. I cannot sleep, I cannot eat. I am watching and waiting of what will happen next. Almost thought that I am having post-partum whatever but I knew better. I felt sorry for my baby.

Still on track with my plans to save. I opened my UITF account.

April: Bam! I found out about it (Praying really helps!), running through his Grab history while he was sleeping, I was able to confirm them. He denied everything but it was all in front of us. Everything happened so fast. He hurt me physically and mentally. His father knew about it, I said it to everyone. He has no shame at all or was he?

May: It was hazy. He confessed. I was not happy, I wake up dragging myself to work. I kept on praying, I kept on reading on things to do. I was a mess. I came home drunk day after day. Self-esteem went downhill. My birthday was nothing special, it was the worst. I even went to a counsellor! I want to get out!!!

June: I found out that he tried to contact someone from that place. I decided to move. I went back to our house, to my parents’. I cried all day and night. I only had full of hate for him. A month full of contemplation. Full of doubts and decisions to made. I finally gave him a chance, our family a second chance.

I got so busy with my Baby’s first Birthday DIYs.

July:  It was my baby’s 1^st birthday. We came back. I stopped checking his online accounts’ activities. I decided to focus on myself and my baby. Anxieties and nightmares are still there. Every night I pray for guidance.

August: Slowly I am starting to get back up. I keep moving but it is hard. Somehow living a normal life. My baby is growing more handsome every day!

Still focused on my goal. Finally opened my Stocks account but hasn’t started trading yet.

September: I decided to learn how to do make up. I watched tons of YouTube videos from Michelle Dy, Anna Cay and Tina Yong. I bought the necessary materials. I started to love make up!

October: I got back into reading and still more about make ups! Better late than never! Anyway, we celebrated his birthday like a normal family.

November: Christmas is fast approaching, we started our Christmas shopping as early and we also put up our Christmas tree last week of November. We went to a disastrous birthday party. There are still fights (financial and some personal things) but I am keeping my hopes high.

December: Fully scheduled Month. We had lots of events to attend. We went to a wedding, Christmas parties (went to our company Yearend event and I did my make up!!) and family gatherings. It is funny but whenever my baby sees us hugging he would beam and laugh out loud, definitely something that will always melt my heart.

Oh!! I started baking too! (Still needs more practice btw!) J J J

Well, I guess that’s it. First 6-7 months were definitely something I would rather forget but turns out, they were as clear as water while I’m writing this. I honestly mostly remember those first few months of the year than the recent ones. Heh!

If there’s one thing that I realized about this year, it was definitely all about myself and how strong I have become all these months. Some would ask me why I came back, I came back not because I’m weak, but because I am strong and I know that, everyone knows that. I was able to pick myself up with the help of my friends, best friends and my mother. I surely felt that something in me have changed into something better and prouder.

I came back stronger than before and more hopeful. I look at my son and have seen how fast he have grown and my love for him grows a billion hearts more. My growth game is definitely strong because of my son. 🙂

I will put on my Goals for 2018 for my next post!! Excited to make all of it into a reality!!

Allow me to exaggerate.

Today is Parents’ day in Korea! I’m no Korean and neither am I in Korea but I decided to talk about them since it’s Parents’ day in one part of the world today.

A while ago, I was browsing my camera and I found this picture of them.

Looking at this made me realized how older they are now, Those lines on the forehead of my father and my Mother’s wrinkles are becoming more prominent each day. Their white hairs are now consistent but they are so cool that they manage to hide them by dyeing their hair (smart huh! ).

We grew up from a simple household. We are not a very religious family. We go to church but sometimes not together and not every Sunday. We don’t always eat all together and talk everyday. We don’t always show off affection by kissing and hugging. When we’re younger, I remember our father who works at a Company and also tried having a business on his own and  a mother who went abroad  to earn enough money to sent us to school. Whenever I needed something related to my studies and education, they would really try to give it to me as early as possible. I’m that impatient. We’re not rich but the way that they spend money for us is like we have all the money in the world. Exaggerated but true. I’ve also experienced being beaten up (not that beaten up.) by them but, at that time whenever they do that to me. I swear I would curse them with all the demigods that I know. But now, I realized that everything that they’re doing are not because they wanted to hurt me but because they wanted me to learn.

Of course, when our Mother was working in another country, our father played a dual role in the house. He became the Mother and Father at the same time. It was hard, I remember when he always insists that I should always sleep or take a nap in the afternoon but I was so hard headed that I tend to escape from him and play with my friends. And my mother, because of the distance, I know she suffered from homesickness.  My father has always been the shy type, during special occasions especially at school he would not talk, he will just stare and smile and he would always go home early. I guess, opposites really attract because that’s what my Mother is all about. She’s very sociable and she likes going to different places with different people. She’s really friendly. I believe that’s where I got my traits and personality of being a people person and someone who likes taking risks and adventures. Most of my friends say that I look like my father, I can sense it’s because of the Chinese looking face of my Father. We both had that small eyes and nose.

Like most couple, they fight like those superheroes and villains that you see in Movies. But, either are a superhero or a villain. They fight like children, they fight over small things and whenever they fight, they end up either not talking for days, sometimes even months and some days they just shake it off. Kiss and make up. Whenever they fight really hard, it’s us who are truly affected most of all. We can’t even control our selves from defending whoever’s been wronged between them. Most of the time, it was my Father’s fault.

He’s been that impatient and stubborn. I got my temper from him. Too bad for me huh?! But now that I’m all grown up, at least a little older. I learned how to control my temper and to not talk back and fight. I learned how to limit myself and my emotions. I guess, that’s what happened to me and my sister. We just let our tempers to burst out., leaving our connections behind. Our parents just didn’t want us to always fight so I think, they just decided to leave us apart than to fix us. I know they understand us but as parents I also know how much they wanted my sister and I to talk to each other again. We tried many times but it just didn’t work. Maybe, someday but not now.

As I look at that picture, I can see that all the hardships and efforts they have made for us are sketched in their faces. Their smile. It shows how happy they are that after all this time, after all the misunderstandings, they or we managed to stick together.

As said in the Bible, you have to respect your parents. I know most of us have already ignored this. We have already wronged and lied to our parents in any way. But still, as long as we have time, we can make up for all those things. Be thankful that you have your parents and God will bless you with all love.