Make it three!

I’ve been working in my job as a clinic nurse for 3 months now, to be specific, Nov. 1 was the mark of my third month and I must say that I’ve come this far with my eyes closed and my hands clasped. It’s been a difficult 3 months. I lost a few pounds and I’ve had dark circles around my eyes, I really looked old, I feel like I’ve been here for ages!!

There are a lot of things that I’ve experienced and realized for that 3 months, Here are some of them:

> I realized that it’s challenging to work inside the mall. Everyday that I go to work or my break time, I see a lot of new products, discounted gadgets and buffets that I just can’t resist. This is were self control and self limitations comes. Whenever it’s payday, I always make it a point to eat or dine in a fine restaurant or maybe take out a food to satisfy my cravings. This is really compromising my money and as well as body. Whew!

> It’s true that you cannot please everybody, same way that they cannot please you too. There are a lot of people that you will never understand or you will never like no matter what you do. I’ve already mastered the art of faking a smiling or laughing face just to make them feel satisfied. Most of them are kind of weird and moody, and no matter what they do or what you do, I always think that they are irritating and annoying. Good thing, one of my Bestfriends is there or else I’ll be found in a  mental facility.

>Eating alone is not that bad. I don’t feel like eating with most of them. I just eat out with those people whom I’m comfortable being with and when they’re not around, I just usually swift away from the clinic and be lost somewhere in the food court area. I feel quite relieved to eat alone, away from those people that just worsens my stress. That way, I don’t have the need to think of any topic to keep them entertained while eating. 

> Wealthy and educated people don’t usually act the way that they should. Most of them are a bit rude and lacks patience. Sometimes they will yell at you even though you’re not the one to blame and even though you have explained very well their queries and complaints, they still give you the high tone of voice that only your parents can do to you! Yes, they are well-off but that doesn’t give them any license to make you look bad and say inappropriate words to you. Simple and a bit cliche but this is the reality. Money for them is power. 

> Weekends are truly special. When you work in a shifting schedule, sometimes you realized how lucky you are to be given a one day off that’s a Saturday or Sunday. You just want to make use of it in a very productive way like going out with friends or your special someone, or maybe just staying at home watching you fave TV series and movies. 

>It’s nice to wake up early in the morning. Time is so fast during the morning while time is like forever during the afternoon and night. Of course, nobody wants to go home late at night. Be minded that during the night, there are a lot of scary corners in Metro Manila that you have to be alert. 

>I learned and got used to drinking coffee and teas. I never liked coffee but ever since I started working in the clinic, I always feel a bit weak and loss of motivation. I felt like drinking coffee, can actually help me..or maybe not.

> Never bring your stress and sadness at home. Lately, I’ve been so stressed that I even panicked and got paranoid about work and some other things that whenever I go home, I tend to drop the bomb onto my parents and I know that it’s not right. I just lack self restraint.

>Friends always make a way to see you and be with you. I feel so special whenever my friends adjust to my schedule and financial capabilities just to be with me. They are wonderful. Workmates and acquaintances can never suffice your true friends. 

There! I’ve said it all.. or not? I know there are still a lot of things that I want to say but, some of them are lost in my train of thoughts. Maybe, I’ll just add them on my fourth month or maybe sixth month! I’m just keeping my fingers crossed. 

 

Keep moving

There are things in life we don’t want to happen, but have to accept; things we don’t want to know, but have to learn, and people we can’t live without, but have to let go.

Losing someone is a worst feeling. You will feel numb, empty and out of control but we must always remember that it’s part of life and the only way to go is to move forward and hope that everything will follow through.

 

Benefit of the doubt

Wise men, when in doubt whether to speak or to keep quiet, give themselves the benefit of the doubt, and remain silent.
–Napoleon Hill quotes

To be honest, I’m not really familiar with this idiom or expression until today. One of my close friends told me to always give someone the benefit of the doubt.

Give somebody the benefit of the doubt. (click here for examples)

It is to believe something good about someone, rather than something bad, when you have the possibility of doing either.

I’ve always been a pessimist person. I take things negatively and when a close friend or even a family member does things that’s out of my perimeter I get mad easily and think of something ridiculous.  Like whenever I’m offended, heard harsh words, not talking to me or even a sudden flash of anger, I always think negatively about it and to them. I ended up feeling bad and irritated and oftentimes leads to a long time misunderstanding. But, it’s not always the case because sometimes, other people especially those who’re not close to us often mean real harm.  However, either way, you should always give them the Benefit of the doubt.

You should always think about the lighter side of it and think about why they did those things, the other positive reasons about it. I think that, this kind of attitude on things will help a person to loosen up the negative energy around. I did it today and I’ll try to do it as often as possible.

Reality bites: Trust

Trusting someone. Do we really need to trust someone? Is it that important? Can you really trust someone wholeheartedly? Without any questions and doubts? Are you brave enough to take a risk and trust someone?

I’ve been betrayed many times, by my friends, special someone and even a family member.

Different aspects and levels but still.. I was betrayed.

The feeling is nothing but awful, it’s like letting them bite you in the ass.  It’s exposing yourself out in the open and letting them have a feast.

Trust makes you vulnerable but it also opens us to new possibilities and chances. If you trust too much, you will be deceived and if not you’ll just let the opportunities pass. You have to remind yourself not to open up and be too honest with people. They said that “The best proof of love is trust”, therefore you have to trust yourself in order to love yourself. I can’t really apply that on relationships though because for me Trust in relationships are a bit overrated and overused that it becomes vague and meaningless.

I think that trusting is not about the other person, it’s not about how good he/she treats you because I can assure you that.. someday, somehow they will betray you in any way without you even knowing it.

I’m not a hater neither am I a bitter person, I just lack the will to trust others anymore. I believe that it’s important to trust God first and then yourself.

Cursed is the man who trusts in man And makes flesh his strength, Whose heart departs from the Lord.” Jeremiah 17:5

“change is the…

“change is the only permanent thing in this world”

I once said this in my report while I was in Cavite and I never thought it will cross my mind again.
Change is natural and good, but people’s reaction to change is unpredictable and irrational, just like mine.For me.. nothing is more upsetting when people change, especially when I am part  of that change and when I don’t really know..the exact reason..of why they should.
Is change based on petty quarrels and small misunderstandings?
Why the heck should they make a big deal out of it?!

I really hate it when people make a huge deal about things that should not be taken seriously.
I look at the world in a very realistic way.. I always see things in the way of how they will fall into place..
and that leads me to expect less from people because sometimes when my expectations are not met..
that really leaves me feeling so destructive and unused.
And when people begin to say something about “change”
it leaves me hanging.

People have different meanings of change..

For me, change is a sign.
A sign of something painful..
something inevitable and if people have the same meaning of that change.. then maybe..
that change should start now..for change is not about timing..
change starts when you decide!
Change is never easy to deal with.
Some are against it that they would rather remain in stasis.
However, some also pointed out that change is certain. It is a process that cannot be avoided rather it must be endured.

So, whatever that “change” is..
I only hope that it is for the better, including me or not.

And honestly..that’s my indication..
I guess it’s true.. simple things..really make a huge impact and that’s what really disappoints me,
Well, all  I can say is, i’m really good in handling “change”.

HAPPINESS. 1. …

HAPPINESS.

1. When a dream comes true, you don’t always get the happiness you thought would come with it

2. Happiness is not something you can feel every moment of the day

3. Happiness comes in little doses, so just be grateful for that

4. It’s pointless to wish for Big Happiness because it won’t happen.

5. Perhaps happiness is overrated.

It is hard to be happy if you are stuck in the past or the future.

It is hard to be happy when you chase after happiness, forgetting that, hey, it could well be right there, staring at you.

Not good enough

It seems like no matter what happens to me, I always feel like I’m not good enough.

•       I’m not alright, I know I’m not.  I have horrible self-esteem which many people would not think that about me but it’s the honest truth.  Lately I haven’t been feeling that I’m not enough. I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not confident enough and not happy enough
•        I always get the feeling that I’m in between. Whether its good or bad, at the end of the day I still feel bad about myself, and I feel like I’m never going to be happy with myself.

No, I’m not alright. I’m not okay.

Note to self: keep your friends

This is were I realized how lucky I am.

How blessed I am to have my wonderful friends. On my darkest days and happiest days they were the ones that I turned to. It’s good to know that even though I don’t really see them everyday, the bond and the love is still there. I treasure every moment with them because I know that they are the people that will be with me on my rainy and stormy days. I love them and I will never let my friendship with them fade away.

Note to self: Smiling starts the healing

Smile and be happy even when you’re not. Happiness is a choice. If you choose to be happy then be happy. Stop dwelling on the pain and hurt, it’s a waste of time. People may leave you but new and bigger things will arrive so you have to be prepared and be ready to welcome it with arms open and a huge smile on your face. No one can dictate you on how and what you will feel. It all depends on you. Be excited. Be overwhelmed. Be brave and be an inspiration.