It’s about to end

As the year closes, I’m also closing up another chapter of my life, which is resigning at my current work and moving on to another kind of job. Still not done with the requirements but I hope that everything will turn out fine.

If there’s anything that I’ll miss at my work, it will surely be the friends that I’ve made especially with the newbies like me. I’ve only known them for less than 5 months but I already made an attachment with them. They kept me sane.

Few days ago, we decided to celebrate Jen’s birthday and our (Genesis and I) exit.

It was not that well planned, but we were able to somehow pull it off.

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I was the game master that night and we truly had fun. We talked about everything and mostly all about our jobs and experiences at work.

I will surely miss these people. =(

Catching my breath

It’s been so long since I last posted here in my wordpress blog site  I’ve been sick and still sick. For the last two weeks of December, a lot of things has happened already. We had Christmas party at NBC tent and we also had our own Christmas party at a Buffet restaurant. I had my CBC done and found out that I have low hemoglobin and slight increase in wbc, I got really worried because my cough and colds is still so active and I always feel weak and tired, that’s why I went and visited my doctor who gave me various kinds of medicines that made my wallet unhappy. My feet and legs are always in pain whenever I go home, from too much walking and standing. I just feel so exhausted and if I didn’t go to the doctor, I’ll faint again.  

Yesterday, I went to Tagaytay with my boyfriend and we had a hard time with out transportation but at least we made it. On our way home, someone called me through my phone and told me that they’re hiring me for their company. I really had a tough time because they wanted me to start as soon as January 2 and that means I have to pass my resignation letter 15 days before I go. It was difficult, I even caught my self staring blankly through the window of the bus, I’m thinking of what will happen, of what I will do and if this is really what I wanted. It’s difficult to move again to a different career path, a new work and environment. Aside from the fact that I’m really not enjoying the company of those people at my present job, I also really wanted to earn more money because I want to do more things and to give more to my parents especially my mom. I want to study and I want to learn. I have another goal which is to become a Nurse on a passenger ship/ cruise ship , but maybe it can wait and I haven’t even tried applying yet. I just wish I can do all those things in one.

I always feel like I’m running out of time and that I feel old. I don’t know why but, until now, I’m not sure of what I’ll do. I’ll just try and try until I find it out.

Quick post: When things go wrong..

“If you don’t like the system, get out of the system”

A quote, I remembered from my coworker at my previous job. I lasted for about a year and months with my last work and I can say that even though there are a lot of issues that I’ve had with that company, I stayed very long because I find comfort with my co workers and they listen to our complaints, although they don’t always do much with our concerns.

Right now, I’m planning of resigning, not this month but maybe next month or until January, I can’t take the pressure any longer, aside from the irate patients which I sometimes can get a hold of because I’m not good in anger management either. I also experience, lack of comfort and complacency from my co workers, including the managers and staffs. Even those people are backstabbing and condemning each other.

This place is the worst! Sometimes, you just feel that enough is really enough. As much as I want to voice out my feelings and observations, I can’t and I don’t want to cause more misunderstandings and chaos.

Right now, I just can’t wait for this year to end.

Make it three!

I’ve been working in my job as a clinic nurse for 3 months now, to be specific, Nov. 1 was the mark of my third month and I must say that I’ve come this far with my eyes closed and my hands clasped. It’s been a difficult 3 months. I lost a few pounds and I’ve had dark circles around my eyes, I really looked old, I feel like I’ve been here for ages!!

There are a lot of things that I’ve experienced and realized for that 3 months, Here are some of them:

> I realized that it’s challenging to work inside the mall. Everyday that I go to work or my break time, I see a lot of new products, discounted gadgets and buffets that I just can’t resist. This is were self control and self limitations comes. Whenever it’s payday, I always make it a point to eat or dine in a fine restaurant or maybe take out a food to satisfy my cravings. This is really compromising my money and as well as body. Whew!

> It’s true that you cannot please everybody, same way that they cannot please you too. There are a lot of people that you will never understand or you will never like no matter what you do. I’ve already mastered the art of faking a smiling or laughing face just to make them feel satisfied. Most of them are kind of weird and moody, and no matter what they do or what you do, I always think that they are irritating and annoying. Good thing, one of my Bestfriends is there or else I’ll be found in a  mental facility.

>Eating alone is not that bad. I don’t feel like eating with most of them. I just eat out with those people whom I’m comfortable being with and when they’re not around, I just usually swift away from the clinic and be lost somewhere in the food court area. I feel quite relieved to eat alone, away from those people that just worsens my stress. That way, I don’t have the need to think of any topic to keep them entertained while eating. 

> Wealthy and educated people don’t usually act the way that they should. Most of them are a bit rude and lacks patience. Sometimes they will yell at you even though you’re not the one to blame and even though you have explained very well their queries and complaints, they still give you the high tone of voice that only your parents can do to you! Yes, they are well-off but that doesn’t give them any license to make you look bad and say inappropriate words to you. Simple and a bit cliche but this is the reality. Money for them is power. 

> Weekends are truly special. When you work in a shifting schedule, sometimes you realized how lucky you are to be given a one day off that’s a Saturday or Sunday. You just want to make use of it in a very productive way like going out with friends or your special someone, or maybe just staying at home watching you fave TV series and movies. 

>It’s nice to wake up early in the morning. Time is so fast during the morning while time is like forever during the afternoon and night. Of course, nobody wants to go home late at night. Be minded that during the night, there are a lot of scary corners in Metro Manila that you have to be alert. 

>I learned and got used to drinking coffee and teas. I never liked coffee but ever since I started working in the clinic, I always feel a bit weak and loss of motivation. I felt like drinking coffee, can actually help me..or maybe not.

> Never bring your stress and sadness at home. Lately, I’ve been so stressed that I even panicked and got paranoid about work and some other things that whenever I go home, I tend to drop the bomb onto my parents and I know that it’s not right. I just lack self restraint.

>Friends always make a way to see you and be with you. I feel so special whenever my friends adjust to my schedule and financial capabilities just to be with me. They are wonderful. Workmates and acquaintances can never suffice your true friends. 

There! I’ve said it all.. or not? I know there are still a lot of things that I want to say but, some of them are lost in my train of thoughts. Maybe, I’ll just add them on my fourth month or maybe sixth month! I’m just keeping my fingers crossed. 

 

Thoughts: Getting through

I think, I’m finally getting used to the things that we’re doing at work and as well as with the people. Although I still feel a bit annoyed and irritated with some of them, I really try to tolerate and just not care at all. 

I just turned two months with my job and I can’t believe that I was able to stay that long, I was about to give up a month ago. I still make mistakes and I get embarrassed but I know that it’s all just part of being a newbie. I’m still looking forward for more flustering things to come. 

I’m not sure until when I can stay with these people but I really want to get out as soon as possible. I’m getting used to them but still I’m not at ease with them. It’s funny that some of them said that they notice that I’m a very reserved and quiet person, which is really not in real life. I’m close-mouthed and modest because I don’t really want to commingle with them and be close to them. It’s really hard to give trust to these people at might want to bring you down someday. I want nothing more but workmates. I’m sure they also feel the same way with me. =)

I’m staying because I need experience (to be honest), and I don’t want to be stuck in this place for a long time. I’m hoping for a better opportunity sooner. Keeping my hopes up for this!

My day: There is something seriously wrong somewhere.

It was a truly long and unintelligible day for me. Too plenty to talk about and to short to whine about. Let’s allow the bullets to speak out.

> Woke up late because my work starts at 11am

> Tried my charm talking to lots of people.

> Tried getting along with my co-workers hoping that they would respond positively.

> Observed another Treadmill test. Confusing but apprehensible.

>Saw my boyfriend’s cousin and aunt together with the children having a check up at the clinic. Had a short chat with them.

> Had an awry PPD skin test injection to a 2 year old child. This made my day into a gruesome one. I’m so paranoid that the injection spot would form an edema or be inflamed and would lead me to have an IR. =((( That would be the end of me.

> I was (and still) preoccupied the remaining hours after the incident.

> Went to my boyfriend’s house (to eat, because I know my mother will not prepare food for me), found out he’s sick.

> His parents interrogating me and asking questions about my new work, salary, phone fights and my parents not knowing about Biggy. Pressure time.

> Sudden turn of emotion when I saw Biggy’s baby pic and His father’s baby pic. They look like twins!

Right now, I’m so sleepy but I cannot sleep. I keep on thinking about that injection incident and I feel like I’m about to burst from my paranoia and uneasiness. So help me Lord God.

Spotlight: Work issues

Oh how I miss blogging. Since I started my new work, I haven’t continuously updating my blog and I miss doing it.

This past few days, I’ve been so frantic with all the work loads and with a lot of new information with my work. I’m so distressed and troubled. I’m so much affected with every word and move that they’ll say especially about me. What irritates me the most is that whenever they try to compare us (all the newbies). Every one of us has their own style and own way of learning, some people learn simultaneously  but some learn slowly. It depends on their nature, habits and personality. Ugh! I just hate it when they do that!  I hate it, it’s just so unfair!

I just can not make sense of people at work, as well as the irate patients, they say one thing to your face and another behind your back.And for some sick, deranged reason I am meant to feel okay with this, as if it was my choice to end up this way?! And I am also suppose to be okay with this, I am suppose to pretend and just don’t care about all of it. I just don’t know how to blend with them!  My only consolation above all of those things is the smile that some of the patients give me whenever I talk to them. 

Because of all the issues and concerns that I’ve been receiving and experiencing from my co-workers, managers and other clinic staffs, I keep on blubbering them to my friends.

And I can see that everyone has given up on me, the whole entire world has given up on me.They tell me, this is just new work blues, get over it. But there is so much emotions, hurt, fear and pain built up in me, I just can’t contain it anymore.
Everyone has given up on me.

For now, I must live with this quote:

All things are difficult before they are easy.
Thomas Fuller

Busy bee

Almost thought that this (off) day would not arrive at all. I just had crazy busy 5 days. After the longest week ever (new job!)

I’ve been so busy with work, catching up and learning to cope and adapting to new things, new workplace and with new people. I’m also continuously ranting and raving about it with some of my friends, my mother and my boyfriend.

I don’t know why, but I feel a little pressured and overburdened with the tensions of being a new employee. I feel like I’m competing with my other new co workers and I’m not liking it. Plus the fact that I’m having a hard time getting by with the Senior Nurses. I’m too sensitive with how they see me and how they look at me and because of that it makes me  feel so shy.

I know that, it is normal to feel this way especially that I’m just a new employee and it’s acceptable to make mistakes because there’s still a lot of space to grow and learn. It’s just that, right now, I’m more concerned with how they perceive me as a person and how they look at me physically. Some of my co-workers are a bit snob. Sometimes, I feel like they don’t like me by the way I look and act. I feel so unappreciated and  unwanted. Everything is all about my insecurities again.  =(

In relation to that, I also feel apologetic because I keep on blurting my complains to my boyfriend and I know he’s also having his own issues at work. Boys just have a way of keeping their feelings to themselves, that sometimes I see him as a carefree and stressed free person but in reality he’s not. I know he’s not telling me some of his problems because he doesn’t want me to worry about him. I just hope I can be like him. 

But despite all of that, I’m still keeping my fingers crossed. I know that this will be a very promising year for me, this is an opportunity that I should not waste.  I have that feeling deep down in my stomach. The one that says, “Nothing can stop you.” Just like  what my boyfriend told me, “Focus on work first”. I just need to work harder and everything will follow.

Information Overload

I think, I’ll be quite busy these coming days, a lot of things are going on especially when it comes to my new work/job. I get stressed every minute that I’m inside the clinic. I still need more time to get used to the things that we do everyday. Today was my second day and I think, I’m getting along with them slowly.  I feel a downer every time that I eat alone, I’m still not accustomed to that kind of set up. I usually eat together with a lot of people on my previous work. It will surely test my level of independence.

I have no work tomorrow but I need to fixed some things regarding my ID and certificates. We were also informed that we’re going to have an exam this coming week together with the other new hired and those who’s already in the clinic for months now and I’m really flustered about that because I just have a few days to study and most of the scope of the exam will be about the Doctors and the SOP in the clinic. I envy those who has an idea already, I’m troubled but I’ll take it as a challenge! (They get really thrilled whenever they found out that I used to study in PLM) They obviously think that we are smart people.. uh hmm..ahem..hehe. I have no choice but to work hard and study earnestly.

It’s really difficult to study and work at the same time but I have to have an initiative.

“When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.”

Four letter word: WORK

Today was my first day at my new work. I got a job as a Staff Nurse in a Mall Clinic. I just feel so blessed!

I almost got late because of the heavy traffic, I decided to get out of the jeepney and walk since it’s just a few steps away. When I got inside the clinic, I felt so astonished and hesistant. Why? First, is this is my first time to work or apply my knowledge as a nurse in a clinic based setting. Next is the fact that, I’ve been out of Nursing for almost 2 years and this time I’m only laying it all to my stock knowledge. And lastly, I  got 3 huge pimples that makes me so apprehensive and reluctant. =(

The staffs are really nice and so are the doctors, but sometimes I get uneasy whenever I try to approach them. Still needs to observe how they socialize and talk to everybody. When I got home, I was really tired and I felt my legs and feet are aching from too much standing. I haven’t felt that for years, the last time was when I was still a volunteer at a Public Hospital.

I just hope that as time goes by, I will be able to catch up and be confident in what I do. I’m excited to apply all the things that I learned especially in my University days. Wish me luck!

Hard work certainly goes a long way. These days a lot of people work hard, so you have to make sure you work even harder and really dedicate yourself to what you are doing and setting out to achieve