Fine and dandy

Not sure if those are the words that best explains the positive things that’s happening with me and my work.

I miss my old friends, old workmates from EPI and as well as Healthway but I believe that I made the right decision to accept this job.It’s been a long time since I posted something here in my blog and it’s all because I’ve been enjoying my current job, I’m getting along really well with my workmates. I don’t feel any competition or negative things when I’m with them. Our Team Leader is one of my friends , they always make me laugh and I get appreciated a lot.

Sometimes, my male workmates tend to get really annoying. They always notice the things that I’m doing and they also get touchy at time, massaging my back, pinching my face and even my tummy and fats.
It’s really iritating but I try to tolerate them as much as I can. They are still really nice to me though.

Aside from those annoying things, this place is really refreshing. I’m satisfied and I can see myself staying here for a long time. =)

Quick post: 2 weeks, Acid test

It’s been exactly 2 weeks since I started with my new work as a Data Management Coder/Medical Coder in Makati. The first few days was really hard because, I don’t know anyone and I can’t seem to fit in. Not because I’m shy or scared but because I can’t start or keep a conversation with them since I was feeling really sick for those first few days. 

I’ve had lots of late and an absent because of my laziness caused by my sickness (plus of course the transportation adjustments that I’m still working on). Now that I’m feeling a lot better, I’m starting to cope up with them and really try to get along. I can say that I feel so much better with this group of people unlike in my previous work, where I act so stiffly and it’s as if I’m more of a robot than a person. 

We’re still having some training regarding our positions and hopefully by February we will be able to do the tasks. =)

Quick post: Taped and Plastered

I’m supposed to be chilling and just enjoying my off-from-work day, but instead I feel a bit annoyed and wiped off.

Isn’t it a dismay when people accused you of not doing anything they said or asked you to do but honestly you have no idea what they are talking about. From what I remembered, they did not ask me to do anything or I can’t even remember if they asked any favor from me. Have I lost my memory? Nah! Definitely not! So, it is not right that you start to say not-so-good things to me when clearly, you’ve been misguided.

What’s more disgruntling is that I have no right to say anything about it. I have no right to reason out and explain my side or what I do know.  

Arrgh! Sometimes, Old people are just irritating and more rigid than a kid.

Too much to handle

There’s just too much going on right now with work.

I’m so close to the verge of giving up. Things are just getting too hard and I’m getting too overwhelmed. There’s not a day that I go home feeling all happy or well. I always feel wasted and stressed. Their presence suffocates me. Whenever I’m around them, I feel like my head is in a bubble. I can’t concentrate, I can’t connect, I can’t survive. I’m still struggling with wanting to be around.
I’m so scared that if this thing/situation with work continues, I’ll probably lose my passion in Nursing. I don’t want it to happen, I’ve experienced and met a lot of people and workmates in the past but these kinds of people are different. They have such strong sense of power that makes me so weak and sad. This isn’t my normal cycle of pain, this is so overwhelming and consuming. I feel locked out of life and happiness. I’ve been asking a lot of my friends and as well as my mom on how to cope up with this, but I still have no answers and solution.
Everyday, I go to work and I feel like giving up, always hoping that the day would end already and I’ll go home and eat, sit and rest with my dogs and parents, despite the worries and burdens of work. But then again, I would wake up again the following morning trying to face yet another day I would feel giving up.
I know, this is a blessing, a huge one but how come it’s so difficult for me to handle this thing. Have I lost my sense of compassion and strength? Everything has gotten worse. It’s only been 1 month and 2 weeks. But, I already feel like giving up. I’m already halfway given up.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

Thoughts: People in my life

“In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.”

I came across this quotation and I started wondering and thinking about those people in my life. I know it’s too early to point at them now because I’m still at the first quarter of my life.

I can still remember the book “Five people you meet in heaven” by Mitch Albom. Since then, I keep ob wondering how and is it truly possible that you’ll meet and see again those people that made an impact in your lives, even for a short lived time?

Well, of course I met a lot of people already. In my 24 years of existence, I already met different kinds of people. Some of them liked me and some just forgot about me.

Let me tell you about some of the few people that I’ve met.

When I was younger, I met persons (sometimes they are older than me) who treated me rudely, they were the wolves in my life, (I’m still currently meeting a few of them until now) at one point they would try to make me look bad, vulgar and embarrassed. I used to go home crying and telling my parents that I’m scared to go out because of those persons. I guess, I became a bit cautious when it comes to trusting people because of them. I don’t see some of  them now, but I can still remember those days. In the present, I still have a few of these persons, I cannot please them.

I met a lot of good people too, I met persons who would always believe in my capacities and abilities that made me study even harder. I like seeing these persons and doing my best so that, these persons would compliment me and make me feel better. I started believing in my self because of these persons.

Of course, I met friends, people who I like being with (and hopefully they also like being with me). People that make me laugh to death. They would make fun of me but it doesn’t matter because I would make fun of them in return. I usually spend a lot of my time just staying at their houses, talking about anything and everything about our likes, dislikes and life in general. It can be about giving advices or just having a good time together. Going to different places with them is a major bonus.

Speaking of friends, I met few people who became my friend but lost touch and went from being a friend to being forgotten. I don’t know if they still know me or remember me, but I still remember them. Most of them were from high school and elementary days. Thank goodness for Facebook but even though I see them online, everything is not the same. We are older.

I met people who were just passersby, I met in different places, exchanged numbers and email adds but the relationship didn’t end nowhere. It was just a short convo and bam! They’re out of reach.

The comebacks, these are the persons who I met, for a short time and I almost thought I would never talk to them or see them again but fate forbid, they’re good in comebacks. They rekindle the communication with me and at the most unexpected cases, they would help me in different aspects and issues of my life.

The I like them but I really don’t, these are the persons who I really try to avoid but they are very resistant and they would find ways to be with me, but I really don’t want to. These are the persons that I just don’t see my self for a very long time. And I don’t even know why I’m hesitant about them.

The persons whom I can’t get enough of, these people are the ones who I cannot ever turn down, I always make promises to them and I always try to do that promise. I always want to see them happy because whenever they are happy, I feel jitter bugs all over my body and I just want to sing and dance. I never want to loose them.

I know, there are a lot more of people that I met or will meet in my life. But for now, these are the ones that I can remember and the ones that’s currently having an impact in my life. (Maybe I’ll just update this for future reference) It my be good or bad, short ones or the for a long time. All of them has their reasons and purpose. We’re all intertwined and we’re all lessons for each other.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.

Spotlight: Work issues

Oh how I miss blogging. Since I started my new work, I haven’t continuously updating my blog and I miss doing it.

This past few days, I’ve been so frantic with all the work loads and with a lot of new information with my work. I’m so distressed and troubled. I’m so much affected with every word and move that they’ll say especially about me. What irritates me the most is that whenever they try to compare us (all the newbies). Every one of us has their own style and own way of learning, some people learn simultaneously  but some learn slowly. It depends on their nature, habits and personality. Ugh! I just hate it when they do that!  I hate it, it’s just so unfair!

I just can not make sense of people at work, as well as the irate patients, they say one thing to your face and another behind your back.And for some sick, deranged reason I am meant to feel okay with this, as if it was my choice to end up this way?! And I am also suppose to be okay with this, I am suppose to pretend and just don’t care about all of it. I just don’t know how to blend with them!  My only consolation above all of those things is the smile that some of the patients give me whenever I talk to them. 

Because of all the issues and concerns that I’ve been receiving and experiencing from my co-workers, managers and other clinic staffs, I keep on blubbering them to my friends.

And I can see that everyone has given up on me, the whole entire world has given up on me.They tell me, this is just new work blues, get over it. But there is so much emotions, hurt, fear and pain built up in me, I just can’t contain it anymore.
Everyone has given up on me.

For now, I must live with this quote:

All things are difficult before they are easy.
Thomas Fuller

Newbies Mall tour

Last Tuesday we had an orientation with the whole Healthway staff and family and we had a mall tour meaning we visited all the Healthway branches from different malls. It was really exhausting but I had fun because all the newbies were really funny and approachable.  We are five new employees at Robinson’s branch that’s why we’re the noisiest and the most bonded. 

The newbies from Van no. 1 (they divided us into two groups for Van 1 and 2)

The nurses and staffs from Robinsons place

 

Met new people and I was able to get to know some of my new co -workers. A really interesting day it is!

Carelessly unaware

I’ve read something today and I’m not sure if that particular post from a friend (if she’s really a friend of mine because I’m suddenly having a change of heart) pertains also to me or not. Although some parts of the post is unrelated to her blog title, I think I was able to comprehend the vital parts of it well and I just had a sudden urge to write my feelings down, too. I believe I need to disclose my opinions and ideas regarding that post.

Yes, I know, I got a bit out of control when I shouted and made a scene with my manager and in front of the President of the company. Unprofessional, I know it is. But, sometimes when you’ve had enough, you lose your composure and you untimely get out of your shell. That’s what happened to me. I’m not perfect and I get angry too. I remember the time you said that you went hysterical at the school where you previously worked at because they were holding your supposed to be salary. See? No one’s impeccable and we get uncontrollable at times especially when we’re overwhelmed by raging emotions. It may be a minor reaction or a huge one, it makes no difference we’re all flawed. 

Let’s say your parents brought you up differently and in a nice manner, so do you have an exact idea on how my own parents brought me up? For you to compare our families just by the way we reacted on things?! I think, it’s just so unfair and unreasonable to do that. How people respond to things doesn’t necessarily depend on how they we’re taught by their parents. Do you even know the other factors of life and how a person develops?! A person’s personality and attitude is an end product of all experiences from his or her peers, environment and from the things that he or she sees from other person or even media. There’s a lot of considerations to put into mind not just how someone is being brought up by his or her parents. So please do not judge families or parents, because you don’t have an inkling idea about it.

Lastly, next time that you’re going to write, please write accordingly and make sure that the thoughts are in the appropriate places. Gather your ideas first before writing them down or better yet, read your post all over again and do proof reading or editing which ever way you’re comfortable with.

You were one of my few friends at work and I don’t even know now if we’re still like that. I just know that I can’t trust you now, I can’t talk to you like before and I can’t be with you because you’re the one who’s turning away from me, from us. You’ve become aloof and tactless. It’s all because of your insensitivity. 

I know, I don’t need to speak out, backfire or even answer your post because we don’t even know who’s the main person you’re talking about or if you’re pertaining to all of your past workmates. I just think, I need to let all my emotions come out because I’m a bit irritated with what you just did. However, it’s your blog post, I know you have your right to write everything that you want. On the other hand, this is also my blog and I can write anything and everything that’s on my train of thoughts. =)

My feelings of wanderlust

Since I just moved here at wordpress. I was not able to share about some of the places that I’ve already visited. They’re not too many and mostly just here in the Philippines, but the memories and the scenes are truly breathtaking. I just love every minute of those escapades.

I promised myself that I’ll surely travel more often if I have time and of course money! =))

 

 

Far worse, humiliation.

I’m the kind of person who likes attention, not all the time but maybe most of the time, especially for positive kind of attention. But what if that attention is an act of degradation?

Here comes Humiliation.

Humiliation (also called stultification) is the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission. It can be brought about through bullying, intimidation, physical or mental mistreatment or trickery, or by embarrassment if a person is revealed to have committed a socially or legally unacceptable act.

Just the other day, I experienced one of the most unforgettable attention that I’ve had since I was born. I can’t even remember when was the last time that my parents humiliated me and made me look like a complete crap. They may get mad at me or shout at me in front of other people but it’s okay and that’s the only kind of humiliation that I can handle it, it’s acceptable because they are my parents. I would not be existing for the past 24 years if not for them.

What happened to me was more of an embarrassment, the shame you feel when your inadequacy or guilt is made in public. The feeling that people were looking at you confused and full of questions as of what’s happening. The moment wherein your self esteem is slowly digging six feet under and you just can’t help but cry. You try to smile and laugh to counter your emotions but the negative ones are winning.  Never did I imagine or expect that it will happen to me, especially by one of the person whom I care the most. I know that, that person did not really intend what happened. I know that, that person was just taken over by anger and great sense of emotion. That person got hurt too. However, I can’t seem to get away with that situation. I don’t want it to happen again ever.

It’s not really about how people saw me or how they understood and reacted to what happened. It was all about how I felt that time, how that person made me feel. How degraded and low I was. I’m not angry, I made a mistake too.. it’s just that I’m scared that this will happen again. What will happen the next time? Far worse than humiliation? I hope not.

Now, what would you feel if I do the same thing to you?

“The humiliation that Jane had felt turned to something else–grief perhaps, or regret. Regret that she had not known how to act with a boy, regret that she had not been wiser.”
― Beverly Cleary, Fifteen