December: Things I am letting go off.

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This is about the Instagram post I saw from self-care spotlight. Just jotting down some of my current thoughts and what I want to fully let go off hopefully this year (but still giving myself a few more months. Ha-ha!)

I know 2020 has been a year of realization for most of us. We realized how short life is, to live in the present but still always look at the future with uncertainty and that we need to be ready all the time may it be financially, mentally and physically.

For me aside from these, one of my realizations is that there are a lot of things that I need to slowly let go off before we officially let go of 2020 as well..

The need for control: Its hard. It is honestly hard because I was born to be always in control. I think I got this from my mom (who is born a leader and a people person) But having kids and living with someone totally different from you can be quite hard to be in full charge. But I learned that sometimes you must compromise, and you must think that it is not for you. It is for them and I must listen and give them opportunity to decide and grow on their own.

My comfort Zone: Another difficult thing it to do not just for me (well I think for everyone too) is letting go of your comfort zone and getting out of your box. I have been thinking really hard of what are the ways that I can somehow escape my bubble and I realized that there are many simple things in which you can go out of your way from your comfort zone, like a simple communication with your neighbors (take note I don’t even talk to neighbors hehe) can be helpful in knowing and finding something new that can be useful someday.

Overscheduling life: I realized that I should take things slow and that I need to focus and stop putting too much energy into something at once. It is important to have a to do list or your plan of the day. One of the things that I learned from raising a son is that I must schedule our day this helps me to do what is expected and never feeling like I never did enough.

Unhealthy relationships: Social media, this what I first thought about unhealthy relationships. I have this really unhealthy way of using the social media before, on Facebook I used to post and say too much but I realized that not all people on Facebook should know everything. So its okay to let go (well maybe not totally letting go but decreasing usage is one thing that I can do)

Fear and guilt: As a mother we all feel a lot of fear and guilt and sometimes I even cry my self to sleep just thinking about it. I have learned that I need to sometimes let my self take it all in but at the end of the day find some rationale on what happened and why I feel that fear and guilt. It is good to acknowledge it first and then move on and find any solution (for any fear) and let go of the guilt.

Comparing myself to Other and insecurities: Another difficult thing to do especially when you are a Taurus. Just kidding! (its actually scorpio haha!) Anyway, what I liked about my partner is that he never compares himself to others (well maybe in terms of physique lol) but in status, career etc. He is never liked that. He scrolls facebook all day but he never felt that and I adore this attitude of him so much that I wish I can also do this. We always say to never compare and be insecured but it is easier said than done and I am sure it will be a forever battle as long as you are never content with what you have.

Clutter: When we moved here in our simple abode (a 2-bedroom unit) everything went by so fast. We had to renovate it as soon as possible that we didn’t have time to really think of the design and what we wanted to do or have in the house. We are in such a hurry that when we finally moved, life was so fast next thing we know we have so much stuff in the house that we never really needed, we have no organization, everything is cramped up and all over the place. We realized that we needed to let go and one thing that I requested to my partner (when he started wood working during this pandemic) is to make more cabinets and storage areas. I am also slowly donating and letting go a lot of my things and clothes (yey to more handmade things 😊 )

What are you letting go off this year?

Make it three!

I’ve been working in my job as a clinic nurse for 3 months now, to be specific, Nov. 1 was the mark of my third month and I must say that I’ve come this far with my eyes closed and my hands clasped. It’s been a difficult 3 months. I lost a few pounds and I’ve had dark circles around my eyes, I really looked old, I feel like I’ve been here for ages!!

There are a lot of things that I’ve experienced and realized for that 3 months, Here are some of them:

> I realized that it’s challenging to work inside the mall. Everyday that I go to work or my break time, I see a lot of new products, discounted gadgets and buffets that I just can’t resist. This is were self control and self limitations comes. Whenever it’s payday, I always make it a point to eat or dine in a fine restaurant or maybe take out a food to satisfy my cravings. This is really compromising my money and as well as body. Whew!

> It’s true that you cannot please everybody, same way that they cannot please you too. There are a lot of people that you will never understand or you will never like no matter what you do. I’ve already mastered the art of faking a smiling or laughing face just to make them feel satisfied. Most of them are kind of weird and moody, and no matter what they do or what you do, I always think that they are irritating and annoying. Good thing, one of my Bestfriends is there or else I’ll be found in a  mental facility.

>Eating alone is not that bad. I don’t feel like eating with most of them. I just eat out with those people whom I’m comfortable being with and when they’re not around, I just usually swift away from the clinic and be lost somewhere in the food court area. I feel quite relieved to eat alone, away from those people that just worsens my stress. That way, I don’t have the need to think of any topic to keep them entertained while eating. 

> Wealthy and educated people don’t usually act the way that they should. Most of them are a bit rude and lacks patience. Sometimes they will yell at you even though you’re not the one to blame and even though you have explained very well their queries and complaints, they still give you the high tone of voice that only your parents can do to you! Yes, they are well-off but that doesn’t give them any license to make you look bad and say inappropriate words to you. Simple and a bit cliche but this is the reality. Money for them is power. 

> Weekends are truly special. When you work in a shifting schedule, sometimes you realized how lucky you are to be given a one day off that’s a Saturday or Sunday. You just want to make use of it in a very productive way like going out with friends or your special someone, or maybe just staying at home watching you fave TV series and movies. 

>It’s nice to wake up early in the morning. Time is so fast during the morning while time is like forever during the afternoon and night. Of course, nobody wants to go home late at night. Be minded that during the night, there are a lot of scary corners in Metro Manila that you have to be alert. 

>I learned and got used to drinking coffee and teas. I never liked coffee but ever since I started working in the clinic, I always feel a bit weak and loss of motivation. I felt like drinking coffee, can actually help me..or maybe not.

> Never bring your stress and sadness at home. Lately, I’ve been so stressed that I even panicked and got paranoid about work and some other things that whenever I go home, I tend to drop the bomb onto my parents and I know that it’s not right. I just lack self restraint.

>Friends always make a way to see you and be with you. I feel so special whenever my friends adjust to my schedule and financial capabilities just to be with me. They are wonderful. Workmates and acquaintances can never suffice your true friends. 

There! I’ve said it all.. or not? I know there are still a lot of things that I want to say but, some of them are lost in my train of thoughts. Maybe, I’ll just add them on my fourth month or maybe sixth month! I’m just keeping my fingers crossed.