There were times were you just sit quietly and think about what is happening around you. You see other people moving and smiling but you just stare at them blankly as if they can’t see you. Sometimes, you wonder why you need to stay when everyone else is changing.
I started my summer crying. I never thought that our relationship will end up like this. But, maybe too much of something is really never good. We had so many fights and misunderstandings. Our relationship turned upside down with that one mistake. I gave him time and space for him to realize how important our relationship is but it was the other way for him. I can’t blame myself. I can’t blame him. I don’t want to.
From our relationship, I learned that people are constantly changing, including me, that people are changing not for their selves but also for the people around them. That it’s better to leave than to stay when there is already no place to stay at. It’s better to leave the pieces than bother to pick it up. I definitely learned to love someone selflessly. To give without hesitations and to give without asking something in return. I’m not sure if that is love though, but I do know that it feels better to be with someone who knows exactly who you are. I realize that people may love you now but there will be a time where they just leave you whether you like it or not. I also learned how to be patient. I used to be so stubborn and impatient. I hate waiting. But because of him, I learned to wait for someone. I learned that distance is nothing as long as you’re there for each other. Everything that you want will be just in you hand if you’re willing and you have the courage to get it.
For the last two days, I found out what he really wanted. He said he loves me. He said that he loves me just like the first time that he saw me. I love him too. He said that he wanted time for himself. He wants to explore the world, he wants to meet new people, he wants to have a name in his field, he wants to experience new things. He wants to do all those things, the only problem was that he wants to experience those things without me. He wants to have time for himself because he said that he spent 3 years of his life caring and understanding me. He said that for those 3 years he’s been doing things and deciding things for me. He always thought that everything will fall into place just as long as he’ll think of me. I can’t forget the night where he cried his heart out to me. He cried , just like a toddler when their mother leaves for work. I’m confused on how you manage to be in a relationship when you’re not ready to give up or sacrifice some of the things in life in order to be in a relationship. Maybe he’s in a phase in his life where he’s finally getting his self to lose control. I really don’t know what’s happening. I still have so many questions but I let them left to be unanswered. I think it’s better that way.
I honestly hate him for leaving me in the edge. I think it’s wrathfully unfair for him to leave me and think only for himself. But, I have no choice but to let him go and live his life. I love him but I need to let go of the love I feel for him. I’m in pain but knowing that I’ll love again somehow eases the pain. I don’t know where I’m headed and I don’t know how I’ll manage to cope with this.I lost a love but I learned to love more. I’m not mad about love instead I’m amazed on how it can change someone’s life in a blink of an eye.
Momma Potathoughts 😅 
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