I’ve been so out of the mood lately, been talking to myself and talking with friends like you who’s obviously got tired and has given up on me already. My paranoia is running like a water in the faucet, very spontaneous. I hate that I’m causing you so much stress and so much things to worry about. As much as I want to control my self, I just can’t help it and I keep on stumbling in the black hole of hopelessness.
When I got this job, I realized how easy it was for me to pass the interviews and exams. I realized that I did not felt any difficulty and anxiety on the process of applying for it. And now that I got it and started working, I’ve come to realized that this is where the crucial part comes. The dreary part just started and I suddenly became aware that I must overcome the weary details before the easy ones. He won’t give this too me, if this is not meant for me. I must work hard and handle every problem and difficulties that comes with this. I’ve been on hiatus with Nursing for almost 1 year and 6 months and everything’s so new to me again.
This past few days, I’ve been so dependent on you, I did not realized that you needed to rest and take your time off too. My insensitivity came rushing again and I’m sorry about that. I know that you need time for yourself too and this past few days, I was always in your way just because I’m not feeling well. I only think about my self and it’s just so devastating. I feel like I need to apologize for doing things differently. So, I’m sorry. I guess I am letting you down again. I don’t know why but whenever I hear your voice and see you, I just feel at ease again. I hope I can say to you that I’m fine and nothing’s wrong but I know you won’t believe me. I just wish that you won’t give up on me like what everyone else did.
I just woke up and I haven’t been updating this blog for some time now, I’ve been very busy and depressed. But, yesterday was a laid back Friday for me. It was a breather because I was able to see some of my Highschool friends especially Gercelane who’s been in Singapore and we haven’t seen each other for months! It was a really sentimental feeling.
We had a late dinner.
We bombarded Gerce with questions about going abroad or Singapore and of course, we went back down to our memory lane when we were in Higschool. Laughters and Stories! =))
I really had a nice night, I’m thankful that I got beautiful friends that I can turn to whenever I’m down and stressed.
Today is my last day at work. Yes, I’m doing this entry at work. Yesterday, I bought some cute key chains, necklaces, earrings, bracelets, a ring and I even sew cute little purses to give to my co workers as a little token of appreciation and also friendship because they helped me get through my everyday life here at work. Not all of my friends know this but I’m a giver than a receiver. I love receiving gifts but I like giving them more.
I know I made a really strong impression to my co workers and even the managers with what I did last time. I really do hope that what happened will serve as a lesson for the teachers to stand up for their selves and most importantly for the management to act lawfully. Aside those matters, what I will surely miss is the friendship that I built with most of the teachers. They have become my refuge while I’m here at the office. I’m glad that somehow, some of them liked me for exactly who I am. I know I had few fights with other teachers (I’m not that kind you know and because I am true to what I feel. =)) but at the end, I was able to crack the wall and form a new friendship with them.
I never thought I would find great people who’s cranky on the outside but sweet and thoughtful on the inside. I will surely miss there spontaneity and their lousiness. But as they said, “Goodbyes doesn’t always mark an ending but also marks the beginning of your life without them.” I know, I have no choice but to move on. I ended my life here at this company but I’ll not end the friendships that I’ve created.
I’m still not sure what will happen to me but I’m excited for my next job! =)