2017: A look back

i was reading my 2018 horoscope overview and realized if my 2017 horoscope somehow come close on what was perceived prior 2017, funny that somehow the predictions were close to it, but yes! I do believe in zodiac signs and horoscopes or how the sun, moon, stars and planets aligned and its effects on someone’s life. Heh.

Anyway, I’ve been occupied with a lot of things, including the holiday rush and my baby, I was not able to update my blog for some weeks or even a month?

Looking back, 2017 was definitely a year of struggles, emotions and improvements all at the same time. Half of the year were hardships and failures and the second half were full of hope and progress.

I honestly think that this was a make or break year for my relationship and my family. I lost a whole lot of self-esteem and I’m glad that I’m somehow back on track.

Here’s a quick overview of how my 2017 went:

January: Well, the year started with the proofs and all, January 1 marked it. He received a text from someone saying “Happy New year too, babe”, after that, everything became a blur, we fought on the first day of the year. I knew then that that message will be the start of something more.

February: I felt distant, I knew that something was up! I’m living with a stranger and a life full of lies. We celebrated Valentine’s Day, he prepared something special but I smelled something fishy, definitely not the Honey Garlic Salmon that he made that night. He went out the next day, the prices were down, and so he might as well availed.

March: We fought almost every day and I started investigating and found his online accounts, his comments and all. I had panic and anxiety attacks. He kept on lying or lying with girls? Lol. I cannot sleep, I cannot eat. I am watching and waiting of what will happen next. Almost thought that I am having post-partum whatever but I knew better. I felt sorry for my baby.

Still on track with my plans to save. I opened my UITF account.

April: Bam! I found out about it (Praying really helps!), running through his Grab history while he was sleeping, I was able to confirm them. He denied everything but it was all in front of us. Everything happened so fast. He hurt me physically and mentally. His father knew about it, I said it to everyone. He has no shame at all or was he?

May: It was hazy. He confessed. I was not happy, I wake up dragging myself to work. I kept on praying, I kept on reading on things to do. I was a mess. I came home drunk day after day. Self-esteem went downhill. My birthday was nothing special, it was the worst. I even went to a counsellor! I want to get out!!!

June: I found out that he tried to contact someone from that place. I decided to move. I went back to our house, to my parents’. I cried all day and night. I only had full of hate for him. A month full of contemplation. Full of doubts and decisions to made. I finally gave him a chance, our family a second chance.

I got so busy with my Baby’s first Birthday DIYs.

July:  It was my baby’s 1^st birthday. We came back. I stopped checking his online accounts’ activities. I decided to focus on myself and my baby. Anxieties and nightmares are still there. Every night I pray for guidance.

August: Slowly I am starting to get back up. I keep moving but it is hard. Somehow living a normal life. My baby is growing more handsome every day!

Still focused on my goal. Finally opened my Stocks account but hasn’t started trading yet.

September: I decided to learn how to do make up. I watched tons of YouTube videos from Michelle Dy, Anna Cay and Tina Yong. I bought the necessary materials. I started to love make up!

October: I got back into reading and still more about make ups! Better late than never! Anyway, we celebrated his birthday like a normal family.

November: Christmas is fast approaching, we started our Christmas shopping as early and we also put up our Christmas tree last week of November. We went to a disastrous birthday party. There are still fights (financial and some personal things) but I am keeping my hopes high.

December: Fully scheduled Month. We had lots of events to attend. We went to a wedding, Christmas parties (went to our company Yearend event and I did my make up!!) and family gatherings. It is funny but whenever my baby sees us hugging he would beam and laugh out loud, definitely something that will always melt my heart.

Oh!! I started baking too! (Still needs more practice btw!) J J J

Well, I guess that’s it. First 6-7 months were definitely something I would rather forget but turns out, they were as clear as water while I’m writing this. I honestly mostly remember those first few months of the year than the recent ones. Heh!

If there’s one thing that I realized about this year, it was definitely all about myself and how strong I have become all these months. Some would ask me why I came back, I came back not because I’m weak, but because I am strong and I know that, everyone knows that. I was able to pick myself up with the help of my friends, best friends and my mother. I surely felt that something in me have changed into something better and prouder.

I came back stronger than before and more hopeful. I look at my son and have seen how fast he have grown and my love for him grows a billion hearts more. My growth game is definitely strong because of my son. 🙂

I will put on my Goals for 2018 for my next post!! Excited to make all of it into a reality!!

Smart Women, Foolish choices

Fortunately, I saw this just days ago while we were cleaning and taking out all the old books, clothes and things of my sister in her room.

I noticed that she really has plenty of books and all of them were almost worn out.

I just picked out some books that I think may be able to survive another reading. hehe.

Smart Women, Foolish Choices: Finding the right men. Avoiding the wrong ones, was published in 1986.

This book is just in time and what I needed for the moment. So far, I’m liking this book. I think this is the first non-novel/story kind of book that I have read.  Fun to read after a break up.

“It is written by two male clinical psychologists Dr. Connell Cowan and Dr. Melvyn Kinder. This book will get you to look at your self-defeating behaviors so you might gain some insight into your “love-defeating” attitudes and stereotypes. These authors tell us why smart women are drawn to the wrong men, and they will tell you how to have realistic expectations for our relationships.”

What I like about this book is that the writers are men and they gave advices for females on what they should do and how to understand men. Unusual huh? In this book, they gave many examples and different situations. For example, this book tells you about 4 basic bad guys to avoid, also how to move on and when to let go.  The book consists of two parts, the first one is about being Foolish, it’s about the wrong choices and decisions women make and how it leads to failure and the second part is about Getting smart, this is where they give advices on the things that you must do and to understand how to manage those foolish choices especially with men and how to find a “Diamond in the rough”.  I particularly love the part where they showed the differences between Longing and Loving — how longing is often misunderstood as Love.

I would totally recommend this especially to those girls who are having a hard time with their personal and relationship status. This will give you a very realistic view on relationships and social ideas.

“But it’s crucial for a woman to realize that she was not simply a respondent in the relationship, but half of the reason for the chemistry. Without her, the magic would not have existed.”