Anything could happen

If ever I’ll encounter or be in a zombie apocalypse.. I would definitely choose this song to be my soundtrack or background music. I don’t usually listen to these kinds of music but I find this one really refreshing.

Ellie Goulding is just so effortless, I saw her Lights music video and she’s really a star. She can dance and she’s got a unique voice.

Beautiful Surprise

I’m feeling calmer and undisturbed today, all because of this song. I heard this last week but I just had time to look it up.
I think, it’s time to have a break from feeling restless and mad.

What I like about this is that is has some 90’s vibes in it. It sounded like one of those RnB 90’s song. I also liked Tamia from her song “So Into you”. She has a sweet and soulful voice.

Snake Charmer

So while browsing sites of some popular fashion bloggers in Indonesia, I stumbled upon Sonia Eryka’s site.

She has a very classic kind of beauty and she somewhat reminds me of zoey deschanel and dia frampton, I noticed a bit resemblance but I’m not so sure. haha! But, that’s how I see her.
What really got me impressed with her is her stunning voice! She looks so thin and small but her voice can summon a big stage.
So I spent my 2 hours just listening to some of her youtube videos and one of them is her cover (together with her boyfriend) of Snake Charmer by Blink 182.
It was a really nice cover and I suddenly missed Blink 182.

If you want to hear her song covers just click the next button after her Make up tutorial because she had it on playlist! =)

So, Instead just listen to Blink’s version. =)

Soul in music

Lately, I’ve been listening to classic (not that classic) or maybe those 90’s RnB and soul music. Oh! How I miss those days! Those kinds of music back then were really popular and what most people enjoy listening to. I think, that’s one of the few things I like about 90’s (aside from being much younger), the music. I like rock and alternative kind of music most especially but I just can’t ignore and can’t help but listen to RnB music.

That time, I really enjoy listening to Rnb especially to Ja rule, Mariah Carey, Ashanti, Jennifer Lopez, Destiny’s child, TLC, Boyz2men and Aaliyah. Whenever I hear them, various memories are filling up my mind and I can’t help but sing a long and smile. =)

If you’re a 90’s baby, I’m sure you can definitely sing a long to these kinds of songs.

“Music does bring people together. It allows us to experience the same emotions. People everywhere are the same in heart and spirit.”

What’s your favorite 90’s music?

Where are those days?

Since when did I become possessive, pointless, too controlling, jealous pain in the ass?

It’s official, I’ve fallen to a lower state. Right now, I’m feeling so disgusted with myself, especially when I saw that video post about the overly attached girlfriend. Sad to say, but I have to admit that I was a little affected by that video and I can sense that I’m slowly becoming that irritating person.

I used to be so carefree, stress free and confident. I realized that I need to loosen a bit! Get back to my old self and back on the track. Back to where I was able to hold my self and just let things go. I miss those days where I was so strong and not afraid at all. I wish I can go back to those days where I’m still not bound with these insecurities and jealousy.

I want to be worry free. I want to be confident again and I want to be able to work on my weaknesses just like the old days. To let go and not possess anybody. I have to know that this is not the worst of the situations and that I need to be tougher. I want to be able to fully trust someone, if not, maybe at least believe in that person and hope that everything is fine. I want to stare at a picture of myself, smiling or laughing, seeing how genuinely happy I am and thinking how I’ve got through all of this. I want those back.
From now on, I refuse to give in to the horrible illness that has taken so many memories and people away from me. I know it won’t happen in just a snap and it will take time but I’m doing it. Yes, I have doubts. That’s why I create all safety measures, surround him by every trick, by cunningness, by cleverness, so that he cannot leave me like before. I was traumatized but  I’m killing love. Love is freedom. Love is being free and all about living life.

I need to blow my worries to the wind…and just believe.

While I was doing this post, I suddenly remembered Regina Spektor’s new song and unexpectedly it fit exactly on what I’ve been thinking and dwelling today.

All the Rowboats is all about great artworks being locked up and hidden from the world. It’s our tendency to keep and limit the beautiful and amazing things locked up, when they should be exposed and free for everyone to appreciate. But sometimes, we admire them so much that we’re already destroying them. Intentionally and unintentionally.

The music is very classic and astounding.

Fits perfectly to my mood today.

If you really love, there is no need to possess.
– Osho

Mayday Parade – Miserable At Best

I’m always amazed to these kinds of bands who can make really dramatic songs. One of these bands, for me, is Mayday Parade.
Maybe if you’ll see them you’ll think they’re just another “Emo band”. But, if you’ll listen to their albums or to some songs, you’ll see how they can vary their sound and music. Derek Sander’s voice is quite a dapper.(not sure if I can use that word to describe his voice! lol) But, that’s how I hear it, very classic. So powerful yet vulnerable.

Tales Told by Dead Friends and A Lesson in Romantics are two of my favorite albums from them. I’m telling you, they’re worth listening.

I love most of their songs but Miserable at best, will always be one of my heartbreak songs. It always, always gets me.

Beautiful cliche

While I was browsing my Facebook newsfeed.  I came across this video posted by one of my friends.

The title itself captured my attention. I think it’s because people nowadays are becoming more concern and conscious when it comes to their Physical Appearance. According to this video (By the way, the girl talking in this video is Thammie Sy. She’s a mom blogger and a wife of a Pastor in a well known Christian Church.) Beauty is fleeting. That we should not invest too much on our physical appearance because everything will fade as time goes.

Beauty. What is Beauty?

According to my other friend. Wikipedia, Beauty (also called prettinessloveliness or comeliness) is a characteristic of a personanimal,placeobject, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure or satisfaction.[1] Beauty is studied as part of aestheticssociologysocial psychology, and culture. An “ideal beauty” is an entity which is admired, or possesses features widely attributed to beauty in a particular culture, for perfection.

So based on this definition, beauty is a part of human nature. Beauty is a perception and appreciation at the same time. It is how we perceive a characteristic. It’s part of our society but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is important.

So, let me share you a little secret. A long one though. Sorry.

As a normal kid, I used to play and surround myself around other boys. I had scars and wounds on my legs and arms whenever I go home after playing all day with them. I also had dark skin because of too much exposure from sunlight because I always play outside. And as a I become a Teenager, I experienced having zits all around my face. At first, it was nothing for me. I’m also really lazy when it comes to combing my hair. I have natural curls that really makes it hard for me to manage. Brushing my teeth is also a heavy load for me. I just hate doing those things. I think I’m that unhygienic. I have short arms and legs too, so it means I’m a midget (I’m exaggerating again.)

Teenage years, are the times in which we realize how important it is to be presentable and to be beautiful. So, when I went to high school,  that’s where I noticed how my classmates make a big deal about looking good. They start to have crushes and teasing those persons that they like. I experienced it too but I did not had the confidence because for me, I’m just a normal girl. Nothing special. There’s nothing magical about how I look. I did not think that I was pretty and I did not think I was ugly too. Not really sure about my perception with myself.

When I got to the University, I realized how the world around me is becoming bigger. I met new people but still I did not pay attention on how I look. Yes, sometimes I feel shy whenever I’m surrounded by girls who look a lot prettier. But, I guess I had this strong personality that makes me stand out in my own way(yeah.confidence at its finest .haha) I think it’s because I’m smart and had a lot of humor.

But I think what made me lose all my confidence was when I had chicken pox during my first year at the University. Yes, chicken pox. Simple problem. I gained a lot of scars all over my body and my zits also came out. I was absent for a week on almost all of my classes. My grades went down and my appearance just spawned to the ground. That time, I feel my ugliest. My confidence went all the way down. I did not go out of our house and I was not able to wear the shorts and skirts that I used to wear.

I guess, I realized that I had to look good after that. I need to be my best again. So that time, I got really conscious in how I look and how I should dress. Second year was my first year in Nursing, a lot of new people again and I had a group of friends where every time they go to the bathroom, they would put make up on and brush their hair and try to be cute and all. I hate that. I hate that part. I could not look in the mirror seeing the scars in my face. I don’t want to see my hair which looks like a messy mophead. I was fat too. I got really frustrated.

After that year, I tried different things that could help me look good.

I wanted people to notice me. So, I tried and yes I think I somehow gained my confidence back. I was doing it in the wrong way. Buying stuffs that promises you to look good. I got lured. I know. But, still I had those times were I feel that they’re not good enough, I’m not good enough. I guess, it will never stop.

Even now that I have a boyfriend. I still feel the unlikely feeling of being unpleasant. I know appearance plays a part in attracting the opposite gender. But, in my case I guess he got attracted with my jolly and funny attitude. I’ve never felt being insecure until now that I had a boyfriend. I get really jealous whenever there are other pretty girls around him. I guess, it’s normal for girls to feel that way but I’m really trying to surpass that part of my life.

My battle with looking good was never ending. It was a cycle. One day I was feeling pretty the next day I’m a mouse hiding inside a whole.

As I said, I was never conscious and aware with how I look, until the day where I had scars and zits all over my face and body. I tried changing my self especially with how I look but everything seems to go again from the beginning. It’s a system that I got used to already.

One thing is for sure, no matter what your appearance is, no matter how good you dress up. People will talk about you, it may be good or bad. It’s true that beauty will fade but your attitude and the way you look at yourself will remain. So, you need to be positive and you should never think that beauty is the basis of all things in life. It’s just a part of it, lucky if you’re beautiful but it’s still on how you look at your life and how you handle the things that’s happening around you. In the eyes of our Lord God we are all the same.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. ––Proverbs 31:30

The broken ones-Dia Frampton

I’ve been listening to this song lately. I heard this song on the radio on my way to work and when I came to the office I hurriedly browsed my friend google and looked for this song. I was surprised when I found out that this was the first solo single of Dia Frampton a member of the indie duo Meg and Dia. They were one of those non-mainstream bands that I used to listen to. I remembered, I downloaded their two albums online. What’s more amazing was she also joined the singing contest “The Voice”. I was devastated that I was not able to follow the airing of that show because nowadays, I got tired watching those kinds of reality shows because they seemed to be all the same.
But nonetheless, I’m happy that she was able to have a chance in the mainstream field of music. Her voice and writing skills are awesome.

Oh by the way, she’s half Korean. So for those who like Kpop.

Here’s her version of Lonely by 2ne1.