Burned up.

It’s been a really hard Monday for me yesterday. A lot of things happened at work and I don’t even know where to start with this blog post. Last week, our Team Leader resigned and this gave all of us a surprise because it was very urgent. Of course, we have no choice but continue with our jobs and work. And now, another member of the team decided to leave the company due to her personal reasons and guess who’s really affected with this? Me! 

Our manager decided that I should go on a training to temporarily replace our team mate. At first, my group mates were bothered by this decision because they thought that I will leave the group and they said that it will have a huge impact for the group’s performance. We talked to our manager and she agreed that everything will just be for a short while. 

I have no choice because they needed someone very urgently and I don’t like to let them down. Anyhow, I feel grateful that they recognize my skills and abilities with my job. I know this will be a burden (because I’ll have to do my task as an RSA member and now also as KFPB) but I know that everything that i’ll be doing now will be worth someday. This will be a big acid test for me. Wish me all the luck! =)

The Last Words I Ever Said To Her

Thought Catalog

I’m sending you this letter because it’s the only way I can tell you everything I want to in a reasonable and coherent way. Trying to express everything in here all at once and through words is impossible and I want to make sure I make myself very clear and understandable.

I’ve been a complete ass with you since we broke up and I want you to know I acknowledge it and I am deeply sorry for that. Harassing you with mostly stupid messages to get your attention and because I was trying to find reasons to hate you so this could be easier for me, but this is impossible as I could never hate you and all I feel for you is love. You’ve called me selfish before and I have been selfish, I wasn’t thinking about what you might be going through and all I cared about was…

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My thoughts in restrospect

> My dad’s being so weird, telling stories about him that I’ve never heard before. Is this just old age or something is really wrong? Should I take this seriously?

> I will always wonder how and why you became a manager. Poor decision making, bad attitude, defective English grammar and very inarticulate. Maybe, I should blame all this luck on your voodoo doll. Should this persists, I must give a notice of withdrawal as soon as possible.

> My friends would be skeptical if they found out how our house looks like now. Thanks to hoarding, cats, dogs and the lack of will to clean the house.

> I don’t know if this is jealousy but I noticed that whenever I ask him to have a photo with me, he seems so annoyed. But then, he likes taking photos of himself with his friends, especially those pretty girls (sweet poses too). This is me giving simple things a shit. But this is how I feel, yet again thank you doubts.

> I’m so stressed that I’m having unusual thoughts, with me giving a big deal out of them. Sorry.

Update: 04-21-13

I’m not sure if these hormones are causing my current mood swings but aside from the usual schizo type of temper. I’m not feeling well today, I’m currently having difficulty and pain when urinating. I just wish this is just some common UTI and not other kind of serious disease. As I tend to really panic and get paranoid at times.

 

By the way, I love the weather today, I sipped some orange juice awhile ago (before I felt the disturbing pain) while watching the 3rd season of Awkward. This was supposed to be a very relaxing and peaceful day but then my Kidneys ruined it all. 

Oh well, I’ll just try the water therapy for awhile until it subsides, if not..then I’m going to drink some antibiotics for this. I don’t want to be sick tomorrow. So help me. 

He’s Perfect, But I Suck

Thought Catalog

No, I don’t mean he’s perfect in the sense that he’s perfect for me.

I mean he’s ideal. He’s perhaps Perfect; yes, Perfect with a capital P. He’s the form that Plato sang about in ancient Greece. And I don’t mean this in a subjective I’m-in-love-with-him-therefore-he-is-Perfect way either. I don’t feel that he is perfect; I observe. But even then, I have no good reason for attributing his being perfect to the ideal form of Perfect; to my knowledge, or lack thereof, I could be beguiling myself. Perhaps this all is just the mere appearance of truth Truth. It may still just be subjective, a construct of my mind.

Let me elaborate. I want to attempt to describe the way in which I perceive his essence as constitutive of Perfectness. Note the distinction: Perfectness, not Perfection. He is not Perfection. He possesses a perfectness that makes me feel ashamed of…

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Summer Somewhere

Darn it’s hot!

We’re already halfway the summer season and the weather is getting more intense. I feel bad that I don’t even have any summer getaway or even swimming activities with my family or friends. However, I also think that it’s okay, since the weather is extremely hot like a febrile child. I love the beach, the scenery and the vibe of it but I don’t think I like being burned by the sun. Plus the fact that I still don’t have that Summer body to flaunt so let’s definitely leave summer for skinny girls.

My summer is not wasted though, I had a lot of meet ups with friends, former classmates and workmates which is good. It’s nice to know that people wants to be with you without any reason at all. =)

My birthday is also coming next month and I hope that somehow, I can at least go somewhere to enjoy summer and to bond with friends and loved ones. Keeping up! =)